


If it's You, I'd Fall a Second Time

by gyublob



Series: Children of Eden [1]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Angels, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Angels, Explicit Sexual Content, Fallen Angels, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, i basically made a new religion, idk - Freeform, jisoo can see human sin and it visualizes in the color red, jisoo hates red, other seventeen members only make small appearances, rated mature for that one scene near the end, the summary sounds like a taylor swift song pls dont hate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-29
Updated: 2018-06-28
Packaged: 2019-04-29 17:09:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 21,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14477361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gyublob/pseuds/gyublob
Summary: Jisoo sees red as the color of human sin, curling in the air and sticking on skin. But for the first time in the millenniums Jisoo has lived, red means something else. Red is meeting Yoon Jeonghan.





	1. part 1 : prologue

 

 

 

_He hears the clinking of metal against metal, sounds that aren't foreign to his ears, echoing, reverberating._

_Blood. Trickling down from inside a heart, stabbed, ripped by the force._

_A mistake_

_He hears a rumbling voice. His fate, his curse, his punishment._

_He falls._

 

 

\---

 

 

 

Jisoo wakes up with the blaring alarm next to his bed, drilling his ears until he gets out of bed and meet the sun under the heat of the summer sky. He wakes up drenched in sweat and a few drops of his tears.

A dream. Always the same dream.

He sits for a moment in his messy bed as he looks at the pillows on the floor and the blanket barely hanging of his feet. The same dream, the same aching feeling. Jisoo always needs a little time to readjust to the world after those dreams.

He wonders if he can just stop dreaming at all. He wonders if this is part of a punishment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! this is my first time ever posting a fic so pls give it lots of love. it's going to be the first and main story for my fallen angel au series. it's going to be divided into short chapters. if the timeline gets confusing pls message/comment and i hope i can make it clearer. thanks for reading!
> 
> find me on twitter: [nonuwu](twitter.com/nonuwu)


	2. part 2: I met you on a summer

 

Jisoo has seen the summer sun too many times to count, watching the waves of heat sizzle on the pavements and car tops, always too bright for others, always too hot. Jisoo has met summer too many times to count, but he’s always fascinated with the liveliness, always fascinated at how he never feels the heat of the sun, always the burning, bright red he sees on passerby's, but never the sun.

This summer is a continuation of last summer and the summer before that, so he makes himself twenty-one, an age meant to explore the many realities in life. Or alternatively, just an age for fun. Jisoo is twenty-one, with a well-constructed artificial life story and more than one lies.

This summer– and the two summers before this, Jisoo busies himself between sunny get-togethers with friends he gradually met since the start of his University. Jisoo enjoys their company, loud and obnoxious and distracting. Jisoo's friends are at the same time his anchors: sometimes, they help him forget that they’re living very different lives with very different outcomes; sometimes, they help him feel less lonely; sometimes, they make him think that maybe one day, he can be like them, or like what he used to be.

Like what he used to be. When the stars were close enough to reach, when he spoke a language that sounded like a thousand choirs and the subtle rustles of wind, when his whole body – maybe his soul as well – didn’t feel lopsided.

But this summer, like the summer before, he gets a call from Seungcheol asking him to go to some summer party the very same evening. And it’s Seungcheol, no matter the fact that he absolutely loathes irrelevant, crowded, sweaty summer parties, Jisoo can hear the pout of his lips through the static line of the telephone and he wonders why he can never say no.

 

 

Seungcheol picks Jisoo up at 8 when the sky has neared the horizon and the air starts cooling down from the dry heat of summer. When Seungcheol storms into his small apartment, Jisoo is still in sweatpants and a loose t-shirt, thinking twice about going outside his house at all. But Seungcheol is here to pick him up and that means that he has to leave the house with Seungcheol with minimum retaliation. After all, the only reason Seungcheol would willingly goes his way to pick Jisoo up is so he wouldn’t bail.

“Come on you’ll thank me later,” Jisoo hears Seungcheol say over the sound of the clinking keys when he tries to lock the door.

“You wish,” Jisoo says in return.

 

 

The party they’re going to is just a little further than the distance to campus, in a suburban area where the houses are almost as big as his apartment building and the fences tall and intimidating. The houses are neatly positioned, a specific amount of space between each one. It’s quiet except for the one at the end of the road, blaring red, blue, green, yellow from the windows and a thumping beat heard from the distance.

Jisoo can already feel his head churn.

 

The music is loud and Jisoo already loses Seungcheol the first five minutes they enter the house. He sees someone pass around green rolled in joints in the back of the room. _Red._ He sees people playing beer pong near the kitchen counter. _Red._ He sees couples making out on couches, tables, slammed into walls, sucking the life out of each other. _Red._

Again, it’s always the same nagging feeling for him to get out. Get out before his eyes turn gold and see past the skin and bones of the people there; through the light of their eyes and glimpse at their past and future, at their deeds and virtues, at the bright, burning red of their sins. Jisoo gets the very same persistent instinct to get out before he gets a skull shattering headache. Get out before people realize he’s not what he seems he is.

Because it’s always red. As red as the blood he saw a long time ago.

 

Standing close to the walls, Jisoo plasters a default smile at anyone who looks at him, accepting a drink here and there to keep up with appearances. Almost like every other similar occasions, Jisoo gets forced to drink more, either by Seungcheol who's adamant that Jisoo isn't enjoying his time properly by not getting _wasted_ or by strangers he barely knows of insisting that he should _let it go for tonight_. Jisoo tries to swallow the impending retaliation that he just isn't capable of getting drunk.

 He sips the stale liquor from where he stands, staring at intermingled bodies on the makeshift dance-floor. All he can see is skin touching skin and hips on hips and he gets dizzy because of all the red.

Until his eyes stop on a man. A man dressed in a white shirt and a thin black choker, with sparkling eyes and a small pretty smile, his body nimble as he dances to the beat in the sea of people, smiling down at anyone who dances with him.

Jisoo meets a beautiful man at some stuffy summer party at the end of a semester, when the season has just rolled in and his back is sweaty and his hair is greasy while he wonders why he’s there in the first place. It’s completely ordinary to meet one, two attractive people in crowded spaces.

But this man is so beautiful Jisoo thinks it might be his mind playing tricks on his eyes.

There's a pause in Jisoo's movements, stilling his stance as he looks at the man in full attentiveness. Because the first thing he saw was his sparkling brown eyes and not the burning red he sees everywhere else.

He doesn’t realize how long he’s been staring, and he doesn’t even realize the exact moment the man stares at him back with the same pretty smile, and he doesn’t realize when the man starts walking towards him at where he stands. But Jisoo remembers grabbing another plastic cup with spiked punch before walking towards the man and meeting him halfway near the edge of the dance-floor.

Its rather tense and gauche because Jisoo just got caught staring at a person, but more so because they stand there with fumbling hands and funny smiles trying to think of what to say.

The man introduces himself with a name. One of his hands are at the back of his neck, scratching it only to accentuate the fumbling. "I'm Jeonghan," he says.

 _Jeonghan._ Jisoo thinks it’s a lie. No creature of such beauty could possibly be in the absence of a Divine Name.

“Jisoo,” he says back with laugh threatening to fall from his lips. “Do you want a drink?”

Jeonghan laughs at Jisoo's attempt of building a conversation out of crescent eyes and funny smiles. It's a very unsubtle attempt at _trying_ to flirt. Jisoo thinks that they probably look dumb beneath the lights and the ocean of sweaty people.

“Honestly, I think I’ve had enough to drink. But if that one cup is a ticket to get to know you better then I’d take another three.”

Jisoo's stomach does summer saults and bubble-blowing so he laughs it out. Jeonghan laughs with him. Maybe because it’s awkward. Maybe because they want to. But there’s a tingling feeling in his chest this time, not the scars on his back or the very depths of his mind.

And for a brief moment, when Jeonghan’s nose scrunches and his eyes smile alongside his lips and he let loose a laugh, Jisoo is reminded of the subtle winds from the place he came from, brushing the sky and the people with rhythmic melodies.

“Only three?” Jisoo asks between the smile on his lips.

Jeonghan shrugs. There’s still sparkles in his eyes, his skin and the bottom of his lips. “For now,” he says with a grin.

 

They talk and talk and talk. About what they do, what they did, how they ended up in a shabby party in the middle of the suburbs. They make their way to the front porch and they sit down in a knowing, comfortable silence as Jeonghan grabs a lighter from his front pocket and a cigarette from his back one. They look at the night sky. Jeonghan with a smoke in his hands and Jisoo, without himself even noticing, has a fraction of his soul in his.

 

Jisoo learns a lot of things about Jeonghan that night. Like how he likes his omelets and how he likes the sky when the colors shift and the stars make the whole galaxy their stage. Jeonghan is taking a major in psychology at the same university Jisoo goes to, their building being next to each other. Fate, Jeonghan says. _Fate._ It’s always fate.

Jisoo lets his eyes shift golden once, just for a second, just to glimpse at Jeonghan. Red. Deep, deep, burgundy red. Jisoo has never seen a red so deep. He wonders why.

Seeing Jeonghan in red is something unsurprising, Jisoo thinks. No one isn’t red in this hour, intoxicated, lustful, and lost. Jeonghan in red is rather beautiful. A perfect imperfection.

The last thing Jisoo learns about Jeonghan that night is something after the exchange of phone numbers and Jisoo asking if Jeonghan is capable of going home by himself. They bid their farewells after a promise of another encounter. The last thing he learns that night is when his eyes turn golden one more time: the unreadable future of Yoon Jeonghan. Not even one single _probable_ future.

The threads of time and sequence Jisoo sees underneath the tittle of Jeonghan’s life are tangled, tied, frayed at the edges and split into two, ending at nothing.

Jisoo is scared.

But he thinks its fate, like Jeonghan tells him it is, because it’s always fate. And if the Lord says its fate, then Jisoo will have to endure what He has in store for him one way or another.

 

 

 

\---

 

 

 

_He walks with his wings spread, dragging on the ground, collecting dust at the bottom of the pristine white feathers. He walks before he stops entirely and crouches down and pray. He knows the mistake he has made. He wonders if it is considered a sin. Anything defying the Creator is sin. Murder is sin. So he prays for atonement. He prays and prays until the last thing on his mind is red._

 

 

_\---_

 

 

 

“Did you hook up with Jeonghan?”

Jisoo almost spits his drink on to his laptop on the table. Seungcheol occupies the seat across Jisoo that he was _sure_ it was empty just a minute ago. Jisoo makes a mental note to find a new hiding place after this conversation.

It’s been three days since the party Seungcheol dragged him into. Three days after Jeonghan and Jisoo traded phone numbers and continually texted each other. As friends.

Seungcheol has his chin rested on his hand and his brows are furrowed like he’s thinking about the immediate consequences of a wrong choice. Jisoo doesn’t like the way Seungcheol looks at him with those eyes. Strong and piercing, as if taking a guess at Jisoo’s life is a mission and a matter of prosperity or suffering.

“Uhh... no?” He opts for an answer. That won’t satisfy Seungcheol in any bit, Jisoo knows for sure.

And as if Seungcheol’s intent stare on Jisoo’s forehead isn’t enough to make him tap his feet in discomfort, Jisoo’s phone vibrates in the middle of the table, a notification pops up on the blank background lock screen.

 _‘I just got out of bed ><_’ it says, with the name Yoon Jeonghan above it, revealing the sender and confirming Seungcheol’s suspicions. Seungcheol squints at the screen and then squints at Jisoo.

“That,” Jisoo pauses, pointing at his phone screen like it did him an enormous wrong, “does not mean I hooked up with Jeonghan.” He pauses again before adding a very curt, very sure statement. “I have never hooked up with someone and you know that.”

“Alright, alright,” Seungcheol says playfully, hands reaching for the strawberry smoothie still in Jisoo’s hand. Seungcheol sips the drink and grimaces at the taste before pouting. Jisoo laughs at Seungcheol’s expression, a Seungcheol that would do anything to make him look like a cool guy with the upper hand.

“Why do you ask?” Jisoo pretends he isn’t internally panicking over an alleged _hookup._

Seungcheol shrugs and gives Jisoo his strawberry smoothie back. “Rumor has it that the uptight kid from history was able to smitten the beautiful bisexual god Yoon Jeonghan, future psychologist.”

“No such thing has happened,” He retorts, arms crossed in front of his chest like a defense movement.

Seungcheol chuckles at Jisoo’s posture. “Tell me though, if the rumors aren’t true, then what actually happened after I left you at that party?”

Jisoo squints at Seungcheol’s obnoxiously teasing smile in disgust. Whatever Seungcheol is implying right now is never– and has never been anything safe to hear in public – in private, even. He wonders why of all people that exist in this planet right now, he decided that befriending Choi Seungcheol was a good idea at all. Jisoo thinks it could be a miscalculation in his part.

“Hey, come on, you gotta spill some secrets. No one gets Jeonghan’s number after a one night stand. Not even me.”

Jisoo’s left eye twitches and he grimaces and he knows he looks like a deer caught in headlights, maybe multiple headlights. And for multiple reasons. A _one night stand_. Seungcheol implied that Jisoo and Jeonghan _had sex_ after a party and got his phone number. That part isn’t really too surprising regarding he’s dealing with Seungcheol, but Seungcheol implied that he was _also_ one of Jeonghan’s one night stands that didn’t receive a phone number. Jisoo wants to go home and take 3 showers and 2 cups of coffee to get the image out from his head.

“I don’t need to know that!” he practically shouts. Jisoo isn’t all that uptight and innocent when it comes to human sexual intercourse. He knows what’s there to be known. But that does not mean someone can just blurt out being someone else’s sex partner of the night without making him moderately uncomfortable. Especially when that someone is Seungcheol and the someone else is none other than Yoon Jeonghan.

Seungcheol laughs again because Jisoo’s face doesn’t even hide a small part of the disgusted expression he has plastered in his face.

“Then tell me what happened,” Seungcheol says, still trying to pry the trivial information out of his flustered friend, Hong Jisoo, who is currently sipping his strawberry smoothie in pretense anger.

“Nothing happened,” Jisoo sighed. “We had a drink, talked, and he gave me his number so I gave him mine. That’s all there is to it, Cheol.”

“No way,” Seungcheol’s eyes widen in disbelief. “No nothing? No lip smacking? No shimmy shimmy?”

“Nothing remotely as... explicit as your corny porn shows, no,” Jisoo deadpans.

Jisoo’s phone vibrates again, another text this time. _‘wanna grab lunch?’_ by the same sender. Jisoo can feel Seungcheol staring at him with the same obnoxious, annoying, teasing smile he’s grown used to as he types a short _‘maybe next time, sorry’_ and hits send.

“You’re kidding me.” Seungcheol looks at him like Jisoo started growing a third arm in the middle of his forehead and said arm started typing miraculous things and sends blasphemous texts. Seungcheol scrolls up and down the chatroom. “You turned him down?”

Jisoo shrugs. “It’s just lunch.”

“Jeonghan’s in for a surprise when he chose you,” Seungcheol laughs.

“Choose me?” Jisoo frowns. “We’re just friends? We met like three days ago.”

“Yeah, and in the span of three days, Jeonghan’s been talking about you, which resulted to Wonwoo’s ears falling off in their dorm. Mingyu is kind of concerned now.”

“Wonwoo and Jeonghan are roommates?” Jisoo asks in surprise. Wonwoo being one of his close knitted friends kept secure and monitored in his small circle of friends, it’s a surprise that Jisoo hadn’t met the guy.

“You didn’t know?”

Jisoo shakes his head and shrugs, and sips his remaining strawberry smoothie. He needs another smoothie. He wonders if Jeonghan hates strawberries like Seungcheol.

“Well now you know that they are and I’m not lying when I say Jeonghan is intently pining you.”

Jisoo stretches his lips into a thin line and replays the sentence over and over until it sounds like gibberish and Seungcheol’s voice sounds alien. He doesn’t know what to do with that information.

 

 

 

\--

 

 

 

Jisoo and Jeonghan meet a week after Jisoo’s unforgettably questionable conversation with Seungcheol. It’s a Wednesday and the air isn’t too hot. They meet in a park not too far from campus and Jeonghan takes them on a walk.

They make small talk as they venture the streets of afternoon summer Seoul. Jeonghan makes snarky comments about the things they pass by and Jisoo can’t help but laughs at everything Jeonghan says. They only stop walking when Jeonghan stops in front of a café and opens the door, motioning for Jisoo to enter. It’s a cozy little coffee shop a block away from the city’s public library.

Jisoo looks around and admires the comfortably warm atmosphere of the building. He drags his hands along the wooden table as Jeonghan tells him to sit down and pick a drink. Jeonghan takes the seat across Jisoo, knees brushing against each other in a futile attempt to fit their legs under the small table. Jisoo can feel the rush of electricity from the accidental touches of their feet and Jisoo can’t decide if this is a good or a bad thing.

Amidst small talk and deep discussion about the café’s menu, someone smacks Jeonghan’s shoulder without malice, but with a force that has Jeonghan almost falling from his seat. Jeonghan himself isn’t surprised by the sudden hit, rather, Jisoo is. Jisoo thinks he’s seen the boy in campus sometime before. But in retrospect, almost everyone that works near here is someone from campus so Jisoo doesn’t make a comment.

“You brought a date?” He asks, irises disappearing underneath the smile of his eyes. The curl of his lips is almost identical to the smile Seungcheol flashes him when he’s intently trying to embarrass Jisoo, which is a lot more than Jisoo can count with the strands of his hair.

“Hello, Soonyoung, it’s very nice to meet you. This is Jisoo, a friend.” Jeonghan says, lips in a smile and eyes never actually looking at this Soonyoung. “Jisoo, this is Soonyoung.” Jisoo smiles at him, addressing him with the tiny wave oh his hand. Soonyoung smiles at him back. Jeonghan finally looks at Soonyoung and raises an eyebrow. “Shouldn’t you be at the counter?”

“Ji is there,” he replies. “I’m being nice and coming to you, my special customers, instead of making all of you walk the ten steps to the counter.”

Jisoo takes this as his cue to order because how can it not when Sooyoung is looking at him while pointing a black ballpoint pen to the tip of his nose. Jisoo orders an iced green tea latte because its summer and having hot coffee in summer is Jisoo’s least favorite thing to do. Jeonghan snorts at Jisoo’s order and Jisoo looks mildly offended.

“Don’t judge me, I like matcha.”

“I’m not judging you,” he says with a grin on his face. “Okay, maybe I am judging you, but ordering matcha will be none of my concern. Americano, please.”

Soonyoung doesn’t write their orders. He smiles at Jisoo as if trying to reassure him that ordering green tea latte is okay even though it’s highly questionable, Jisoo thinks this is outrageous because matcha is great. And he looks at Jeonghan with mock disgust, claiming Jeonghan has poor caffeine preferences because quote unquote, _Americano tastes like your piss_.

 

“Do you come here often?”

“Not really,” Jeonghan replies. “It’s definitely a favorite but it’s a long walk from the dorms.”

At the mention of dorms, Jisoo is reminded by Wonwoo, who is also currently Jeonghan’s roommate. Jeonghan whines because Wonwoo doesn’t talk at all so he has to keep the conversation going because it gets too quiet and he doesn’t want to talk to the refrigerator just because he’s bored.

They continue like that, talking and laughing at witty remarks while sipping the drinks they ordered. At one point they trade cups to have a sip of each other’s drinks like its normal and not like they’ve only known each other for a week. Jisoo really doesn’t mind coffee, but Soonyoung kind of made a point when he said the Americano here tastes bad.

And then they start asking about each other. Starting with what they did for the week after their encounter at the party, the topic of their course of study, and trivial things like what they like for ice cream toppings. Jisoo finds it endearing when Jeonghan tells him the dramatized glory of rainbow sprinkles.

Jeonghan tells him a story of when a cat bit his ear when he was nine and when he fell from a tree because of a childish, petty dare like he’s telling an award winning tale. Jisoo laughs and enjoys Jeonghan’s little stories but he pretends to be surprised and unknowing every time Jeonghan stops for suspense. Because Jisoo cheated,  flashed his eyes through the intricate details of Jeonghan’s past. It’s kind of unfair to know about someone so much when they don’t know anything about you, so he tries to give Jeonghan what can be given out.

 

At one point, they stay in comfortable silence as they look out the window, the trees are rustling and the shop’s music plays faintly in the background. They listen and enjoy the ambience of the room, the small talk of other people, the sound of the coffee grinder and the clinking spoons. Jisoo returns to look at Jeonghan just like when he looked at him at the party a week ago. A little bit entranced and a little bit like he can’t believe someone can be so beautiful. Jeonghan feels Jisoo’s gaze and looks straight back at him. Their eyes meet and stay locked until Jisoo opens his mouth.

Jisoo is unfocused because of Jeonghan looks at him like that and for a moment he looks like an angel, sharp and beautiful and pristine. Limitless and eternal, carved by god himself. The slip of Jisoo’s tongue is heavy on his mouth and hangs foreignly on the air surrounding them. Jisoo speaks a sentence in the language of the heavens. A language so foreign to human ears it sounds both like a divine song and the rustle of autumn winds. The lamps flicker for a fraction of a second and the remaining liquid in Jeonghan’s coffee cup vibrates. Jisoo stiffens. It is a spread out norm that Angels do not speak in Eden’s Tongue near the ears of men, afraid they would say something that could shake the ground and deaf their ears.

No one noticed the flicker of the lightbulbs. Even if they did, they brushed it off, thought of it as a normal electrical error and continued with what they were doing. And for Jisoo, he doesn’t realize his eyes flickered golden with the lights, he doesn’t realize Jeonghan stare at him in wonder confusion.

“What language was that? Sounds ancient,” Jeonghan asks, head propped in the palm of his hands. His expression is a mask of bright curiosity, his eyes are gleaming on their own and Jisoo lets go of a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. “I didn’t know you spoke anything other than Korean, really. It sounded pretty.”

Jisoo hums “It does, doesn’t it?” he leans back on the chair and closes his eyes, trying to focus on his breathing because speaking in a language he hasn’t spoken in centuries pumped his heartbeat strong enough it could jump out and splatter on the table.

Jeonghan nods. “Kinda like a song.”

Jisoo chuckles, kind of like a song, even the old civilizations said the same thing. Jisoo thinks the same way, it has that distinct high pitched melody that makes it sound chaste, but it also has an accent that sounds like an underlying harmony. Kind _of like home,_ Jisoo thinks. “Kind of like a choir, no?”

“Yes, now that you’ve mentioned it,” Jeonghan is staring at Jisoo, looking straight into his eyes like he’s trying to figure something out, like a shift in Jisoo’s eyes will determine Jeonghan’s next move.

“Would you believe me if I said they call it the voice of angels?” Jisoo smiles, stretching his arms to the side do dramatize it, like he’s trying to prove the grandness of it. “Eden’s Tongue. The language of the heavens, they say.”

Jeonghan tilts his head to the side, seemingly to think about what Jisoo just said. “Believable,” he says. The tone of his words are laced with an intended sarcastic remark, but the look in his eyes gives out the notion that he actually believes it. “It does sound... angelic?” he laughs.

And Jisoo laughs with him.

“Does it mean anything?” Jeonghan asks again.

“It means ‘you are as captivating as a lie’.”

Jeonghan raises his eyebrows, but there’s a little smirk on the corner of his lips so Jisoo doesn’t know if he’s genuinely curious, confused, or thinking that he’s playing along in a lie Jisoo created to fascinate him. “Dramatic.”

Jisoo laughs again. A light sound vibrating from inside his lungs, a laugh that sounds weightless, like he’s been laughing for Jeonghan his whole life. “Somewhat,” he replies to Jeonghan’s statement. Maybe Jeonghan is good for him.

 

This time, it’s Jeonghan who leans back on the chair, hands gabbing the handle of his cup of coffee, sipping the last remnants of the cooling Americano he ordered. Both standing up, they walk over to the counter to pay for their drinks, no doubt not without bickering about which one of them are going to pay. Soonyoung smiles at the both of them when they start to leave the shop.

Even at three stoplights from the café, Jeonghan still spends his time trying to sneak a couple bills to the back pockets of Jisoo’s pants, insisting to pay his half because Jisoo paid for both of them at the shop, whereas Jisoo steps and dodges the slides of Jeonghan’s hands. They spend a couple of minutes like that, smiling and laughing in the sidewalk of downtown Seoul while Jisoo runs away from Jeonghan in fits of giggles and Jeonghan chases Jisoo down every turn. Jeonghan proposes that he pays for next time and Jisoo pretends that he isn’t excited and perplexed at the subtle promise of a next time.

They stop to catch their breaths in a neighborhood kindergarten, crouched down and holding their knees because their legs feel like jelly after running across city. The chains are squeaking and their bodies are too big to fit properly but they take solace on the children swings.

Neither Jisoo nor Jeonghan realize they spent almost all the hours of the day until they stop and look at the setting sun, and even then, both are still too jittery to say their goodbyes. So the sky paints itself in hues of blue, orange, and pink as the moon fights the sun for a place in the sky and both of them swing their bodies back and forth, listening to the creaking gears of the swings, trying not to slip and land on their butts.

“Where did you learn the angel language you mentioned before?” Jeonghan asks, suddenly breaking the silence.

Jisoo doesn’t answer immediately, he takes a few breaths and thinks of a way for him not to lie but also not tell anything at all. “Someone taught it to me a very long time ago,” he decides to say.

“Your parents?”

“So to say,” he sighs. “Never met my biological parents.” Jisoo says. Jisoo can see the minuscule details of Jeonghan’s face tense. Jisoo tries hard not to say anything and tries hard not to laugh because he’s the only one that knows it was a little lie. _I never had them,_ Jisoo says to himself. But he thinks that a long _long_ time ago someone did taught him all that he knows today, and a little part of him aches whenever he thinks about it, so he decides it’s not a complete lie.

“Sorry to hear that.”

Jisoo only hums because he doesn’t want to respond to the statement in any way. So he opts to bring the topic back to their well spent day. “I had fun today,” Jisoo says.

And Jisoo sees Jeonghan break into a huge grin from the corner of his eyes, eyes crinkling and skin golden and Jisoo feels like he’s in a museum where Jeonghan is a display and Jisoo badly wants to touch him but he can’t because Jeonghan is art and he’s too beautiful to be touched.

“Me too.”

And they walk away from their playground back to the busy streets of Seoul in summer, the brightness of the sun diminishing into the horizon as the moon wakes up and the city lights glow under the stars. Their fingers brush as they step side by side but none of them make a move to distance themselves nor get closer. But Jisoo thinks it’s better like this, only just enough to faintly touch. Because maybe if he could feel Jeonghan’s skin on his for real, he might burn alive.

 

 

 

\--

 

 

 

_Red._

_Only red._

_It's always red._

_Blood and sins and all the red in the world._

_He hates red. Red is so horrendous. So vulgar and violent._

_Maybe, if he was allowed to, he would erase all the red from the world._

_But he won't because he promised not to do anything unprecedented._

_But he still hates red because it hurts him._

_Red is the color of mankind's sin, of their blood and their hearts._

_And red hurts him because it hurts so many lives._

_And maybe, if he was allowed to, he would erase all the red from the world._

 

 

 

\--

 

 

 

Jisoo wakes up to the vibrations from his phone, notifications from multiple texts flood their way through his inbox. Eyes still closed, Jisoo pats his hands across his bedsheets, trying to locate the source of unwanted distraction.

Jisoo squints at the screen of his phone, the chatroom with Seungcheol, Wonwoo, Mingyu, and himself keeps blinking, the numbers of messages still building up. One, two, three-hundred and twenty-one. At the top of the stream of texts, Mingyu sends a thread of pictures. Ten similar photos of familiar Seoul streets. Ten photos of Jisoo and Jeonghan running around across the city.

“ _I swear,_ ” Jisoo sighs under his blankets.

The hundreds of texts under the photos are mostly in caps lock or repetitive unintelligible words or Seungcheol saying _I knew it_. Barely reading them, Jisoo scrolls down to the bottom of the chat.

_Jisoo: stalkers_

When the sun rises higher in the sky, Jisoo gets himself out of bed and into the shower. A meeting solely dedicated for _helping Jisoo get a boyfriend_ was demanded by none other than Choi Seungcheol, evidently supported by Wonwoo and Mingyu.

 

 

“You went on a date!”

Only on his fourth step of walking his way to their table, Jisoo is greeted by the end of Seungcheol’s finger pointing directly at him. Mingyu sits beside him, smiling the signature Mingyu smile while he flips strips of pork belly for Wonwoo.

“Sit down, hyung! Tell us how it went!” Mingyu shouted over the sounds in the crowded restaurant.

Jisoo pulls out a seat next to Wonwoo and Seungcheol, the charcoal grill sizzling between him and Mingyu who sits across the table. Jisoo hadn’t let go of his frown since entering the little hole in the wall restaurant they visit every time they have a ‘meeting’. “I don’t have anything to tell all of you,” Jisoo states.

“I call bull! I saw you with my own eyes.” This time Mingyu points at him, eyes wide and mouth in an open smile, an expression that symbolizes a recipe for disaster.

“I can attest to that,” Wonwoo chimes, “I was with him that day.”

“And?”

“It was a date!”

“It was not!”

Jisoo’s attention shifts to the sound of Seungcheol’s glass soju cup against the wooden table. Even if he knew where the conversations this evening was bound to be going, Jisoo still splutters his words over Seungcheol’s question, or by the sound of it, a statement disguised as a question. “You like him, don’t you? I’m not taking no as an answer because that would be lying.”

It’s a stupid question, and a stupid statement. It’s Seungcheol’s common way of cornering Jisoo into surrendering. Jisoo raises his eyebrows and purses his lips. “How would you know what’s a lie and what’s not?”

Wonwoo grabs a piece of cooked meat from the grill and places it on top of Jisoo’s bowl of rice. Wonwoo ushers him to eat; it’s why they came here in the first place.

All three pair of eyes look at Jisoo with little smiles etched on their lips, again, another recipe for disaster (at least, a disaster for Jisoo). Wonwoo starts to speak. “We’ve known you for three years, even if you think you’re not easy to read, three years is enough time for me, _for us_ , to have a guess at what you’re thinking.”

Mingyu continues the rest of the statement by looking directly into Jisoo’s eyes. “it’s the eyes, Jisoo. Eye’s don’t lie when you… feel things,” Mingyu says, making hand motions. “I wouldn’t have taken the picture if you didn’t look that happy.”

There’s a pounding in Jisoo’s head, and maybe inside his chest as well. For now, Jisoo brushes it off, swimming in the stream of their flowing conversation when it changes topic to something else that isn’t about Jisoo. Jisoo can’t mention that he’s reminded of Jeonghan’s dark, dark red.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so that's part 2! thanks for reading
> 
> find me on twitter: [nonuwu](twitter.com/nonuwu)


	3. part 3: I've been counting centuries

_Thousands and thousands of years, time and time again, yet it's still unchanging._

_He witnesses another war take place. Another mass bloodshed. Another field of red._

_He frowns from where he sits, on the top of the highest building in the city, watching the little men move about their bodies and their swords as liquid red flows between their blades._

_Men have such an interesting thought process. For what sake is another war? He just sighs into the air._

_And then he stands up to spread his wings, white, wide, heavy, and pristine. Pristine and prideful._

 

\--

 

Sometimes, Jisoo traps himself in the confinements of his apartment walls, gazing down the window to see the little people pass along the pavements. Sometimes it makes him feel a little bit like he didn’t lose half of what he was and all of what he had, a long, long time ago.

Sometimes, he lets his eyes turn golden and look through the lives of each person walking on the sidewalks in front of the apartment building. He lets the white feathers scatter their way across the rooms of his living space and leave them there. Sometimes, he lets his skin burn from trying to remember all the years he spent alive, trying to remember what it felt like not needing sleep or rest. Sometimes he lets himself enjoy the remnants of what he was and watch the little people from the window, a little like he used to do. But now, his body is a blessing, a suffering.

It’s the end of June and Jisoo hates June. The weather is too hot and the sun is too bright but that’s not what he hates most from this point in summer (how can he even hate the weather when he can’t feel it?). Jisoo hates the memories that come with it, comes with the light and the sun. Jisoo has seen to many summers to count but he can’t bring himself to forget the one summer that keeps haunting his dreams.

So Jisoo stays home. He drags himself from the windows of his living room to the windows of his bedroom and back again. Eyes gold, a single wing and a burning body. Jisoo remembers like he doesn’t live through the hundreds of years after it, like he lost everything yesterday and it hadn’t sunk in his head yet. So like every other summer, he secludes himself from the world that doesn’t even remember him, until he can’t quite feel his eyes and his legs. Then, after, he lets himself lie sprawled on the floor, the familiar aching feeling on his right back and he lets a tear run down his temples.

 

Maybe Jisoo lost track of time, maybe he doesn’t have one in the first place, and maybe he doesn’t remember how to count days because he’s been counting centuries. Because in the last few hours? Weeks? he doesn’t remember the last time he walked outside, he doesn’t remember when he forgot to lock the door, he doesn’t remember when he last saw Jeonghan, and he doesn’t remember- doesn’t notice when Jeonghan himself is bursting through the door and making rushed steps towards Jisoo’s body on the floor.

He can’t quite hear what Jeonghan is saying, his ears are still humming and he still feels out of place. He’s dizzy, dizzy, dizzy, and Jeonghan took all the remaining breath away from his lungs and he makes the world spin and Jisoo doesn’t know what to do. And by the furrows of Jeonghan’s eyebrows and the shape of his pretty little lips, Jisoo thinks Jeonghan doesn’t know what to do as well.

So Jisoo giggles, and then he falls into pitch black unconsciousness with the sound of Jeonghan calling his name.

 

When Jisoo comes to, his head hurts and his throat is dry. The same dream. Always the same dream.

“Are you okay?”

Jisoo almost jumps at the voice on his right. When he sees Jeonghan, beautiful Jeonghan, sit on the corner of his bed with an expression of worry and something else Jisoo can’t read, Jisoo is startled for real.

“You passed out,” Jeonghan says, walking closer to where Jisoo sits to run a hand in his hair. He hopes Jeonghan stop what he’s doing right now because Jisoo thinks he might cry if Jeonghan makes him feel any more than what he’s already feeling.

“I did?”

Jeonghan only nods at that, a smile on his lips like he’s just glad Jisoo is all fine. “You haven’t been answering your phone for about two weeks and a half,” Jeonghan starts. “So I asked Seungcheol for your address to check on you.”

Jisoo tilts his head a little bit like he can’t fathom the thought of Jeonghan wanting to check up on him. And maybe it’s because it really does not make sense in Jisoo’s head. “You came here because I didn’t answer the phone?”

Maybe Jisoo is still dreaming, or maybe his eyes aren’t working the way they do just yet, because Jisoo sees Jeonghan’s cheek get pink under the dim light of his bedroom. “I was worried!” Jisoo wasn’t ready for a shout so the flinch of his body is visible in Jeonghan’s sight. Jeonghan sighs, “Ji, no one just disappears for more than a week like that. This isn’t a dramatic soap opera.”

Jisoo is left dumfounded as Jeonghan stands up and steps away from Jisoo’s bed. When he gets to the door, Jeonghan looks back. “Can you get up? I made porridge.”

Jisoo nods, pretends that Jeonghan didn’t just say he was worried about him. Pretends that it didn’t snap something beneath his chest.

 

Jeonghan tells Jisoo he found him lying on the floor with a fever so high he could probably crack five eggs and have them poached on the skin of Jisoo’s forehead. He tells Jisoo to lock his door next time, but he says he’s lucky that Jisoo didn’t this time, or else Jisoo would be lying dead in his own apartment. But Jeonghan said that if he did, then maybe Jeonghan would force the door open to get in anyway. Jeonghan tells him he should go shopping because he doesn’t have anything in his fridge other than week-old raw carrots.

And Jisoo just listens to Jeonghan and laughs. Because maybe, if he just laughs, the image of Jeonghan’s worried face wouldn’t be ingrained in the back of his eyelids, and maybe then, the fluttering feeling in the pit of his stomach would go away.

And when Jeonghan sighs the hundred thousandth time that night, when Jeonghan leans forward to touch Jisoo’s forehead and neck with the back of his hand, when Jeonghan brushes his fingers on the fringes of Jisoo’s hair to tuck them behind his ears, Jisoo wishes Jeonghan would stop altogether. Jisoo wishes Jeonghan would just run and burst out the door like he walked in here that afternoon with the storm on his back and a bang on the walls.

Jisoo wishes Jeonghan wouldn’t even think of going here in the first place. He wishes Jeonghan wouldn’t have to make his head churn and heart hang under the thin strings it sewed into. Strings that were held on the tip of Jeonghan’s fingertips, to be held high or dropped altogether with a flick of Jeonghan’s wrist.  Jisoo wishes Jeonghan would’ve at least walk out the door before Jisoo’s teardrops start forming and falling down his cheek one by one.

Jeonghan stays silent as Jisoo wipes the tears away with the palm of his hands. Sniffling and giggling, lying to Jeonghan, lying to himself saying he doesn’t know why he started crying. When the tears do stop, Jeonghan looks at him with a smile and tells him it’s okay to cry, whatever the reason. And when he looks at the gleaming glow behind Jeonghan’s chestnut eyes, Jisoo wants to believe everything Jeonghan says.

 

It’s late and Jeonghan insists to go back home, stating Wonwoo would miss him if he didn’t get back into the dorms that night. Jisoo just laughs at that. Jeonghan waves at Jisoo from the door, he reminds Jisoo to lock the door as he walks out, pretending he didn’t see scattered feathers on the floor and tables and shelves of Jisoo’s home.

 

 

—

 

 

So far, July rolls down like the fringes of Jeonghan’s dyed blonde hair; flowing and adoringly bright under the light of the summer sun.

This time, almost like every other, Jeonghan pulls Jisoo by the hand to go to the places Jeonghan wants them to visit. Jisoo doesn’t mind, never when it’s Jeonghan. At this point, it’s almost safe to assume Jisoo would walk through the edges of hell and back if it meant Jeonghan would hold tight on his hands and look at him with that beautiful bright smile of his. But of course, Jisoo will never admit this, even if it’s Jeonghan.

Jeonghan takes Jisoo hands and drags Jisoo into buses and unfamiliar streets. Jeonghan runs with Jisoo in his hands and Jisoo follows with Jeonghan in his heart. Jeonghan takes them into an art festival by a park. They walk through the little stands lined up all along the streets, looking at the displays of canvases and framed photos and sparkling knick-knacks on the tables and tent walls. Jeonghan tells Jisoo about contemporary art and beautiful photography in black frames. Jisoo tells Jeonghan about classic paintings they find on the nook and corners of the streets.

The sky is on good terms with the city; the weather is nice and the clouds are enough to shade them from the blinding sun, but not enough to cover them in summer thunderstorms. Jeonghan and Jisoo have a wonderful time walking around the streets with large cups of lemonade and fruit flavored soda.

Like every other time, Jeonghan’s hands brush against Jisoo’s knuckles and Jisoo can feel the sparks of Jeonghan’s skin. Like every other time, Jisoo pretends the fingers of Jeonghan’s hand holding his own doesn’t mean a thing.

 

And like every other time Jeonghan and Jisoo go out to spend the day with loud laughs and wide smiles and the brush of their hands, they only go home when the sun starts to set and the stars glint up one by one. And although its undeniably often that Jisoo invites Jeonghan– or in many cases Jeonghan invites himself– into the small space of Jisoo’s apartment, it is often not with the accompany of cheap alcohol.

And tonight, like any other times, Jisoo couldn’t –of course he couldn’t– say no to the pout of Jeonghan’s lips as he flails around his arms like a child, wanting to go have a drink with Jisoo because _it’s been so long._ Jisoo insists that it’s starting to get late and they’ve been walking the whole day, but Jeonghan insists that _it’s not even ten yet, where’s your summer soul?_

In the end, Jeonghan smiles wide and bright as he holds 2 packs of convenience store beer in a plastic bag. Jisoo, although telling Jeonghan he still has a few stashed somewhere in his apartment, only sighs.

 

Jisoo has had the same amount of alcohol as Jeonghan had, as he drinks when Jeonghan opens another can for them to chug down. It’s somewhere around midnight, and Jisoo finds out that there are two kinds of drunk Jeonghan. The first one being the Jeonghan when they met a little more than a month ago; bright and charming and all types of alluring. The second one, the Jeonghan right now, is still all kinds of charming in Jisoo’s eyes, but Jisoo is rather amused at how loud Jeonghan can actually be when he’s laughing at the ceiling.

For probably the last hour, Jeonghan has been singing incoherently to decade old chart songs. Jisoo has to admit, Jeonghan has a very nice singing voice. And although it’s loud and it’s funny to watch Jeonghan use the empty beer cans as microphones  (sometimes handing it to Jisoo for him to sing along ) Jisoo still can’t help being smitten again and again and again by Jeonghan.

“Jisoo-ya!” Jeonghan shouts as he stands tall on the edges of Jisoo’s couch, pointing at Jisoo from where he sits on the coffee table.

It’s been quite some time since Jisoo had to move from the couch because Jeonghan kept bouncing on it as a make-shift stage for him to sing his lungs out. Jisoo doesn’t mind.

“Jisoo-ya,” Jeonghan calls again, this time jumping to the floor. He holds Jisoo’s cheek within the palms of his hands and squishes it. Jisoo can only squint his eyes and chuckles because he doesn’t know what Jeonghan is trying to do.

“You’re quiet.” Jeonghan examines Jisoo’s face line by line as if he’s trying to find an anomaly in the creases of Jisoo’s eyes.

Jisoo only giggles. “Am I not allowed to?”

“Are you drunk?” Jeonghan steps away from Jisoo and plops himself on the couch.

“No, not really.”

Jeonghan jerks his body up so hard Jisoo is moderately afraid he’s going to sprain a muscle, fall down, and break several bones from hitting the ceramic tiles. Jisoo flinches a second time when Jeonghan points a finger at his nose and shouts, “Bull! You had the same amount I did!”

Jisoo holds Jeonghan’s finger by the tip and pushes it down. “Actually, I had more. Finished the rest since you were singing so much.”

Jeonghan gasps dramatically and Jisoo only laughs at Jeonghan’s betrayed expression.

“Then how are you not drunk?” Jeonghan is pouting again and Jisoo swears – swears to God and all the names he has here on earth – he doesn’t want to kiss the pout of Jeonghan’s lips.

So Jisoo opts to just shrug. “High tolerance, I guess.”

Jisoo comes to sit with Jeonghan on the couch and suddenly Jeonghan moves to lay his head on Jisoo’s lap. Jisoo brushes his hand through the strands of Jeonghan’s coarse, bleached hair.

As Jeonghan lies on his lap, Jisoo thinks Jeonghan is beautiful. But Jisoo can’t help but think that Jeonghan, this Jeonghan- with messy, dry, artificially dyed blonde hair and pouty, chapped pink lips, dancing to his own voice in the drafty space of Jisoo’s apartment, is the most beautiful creature God created. And maybe because he is, or maybe, just maybe, Jisoo has fallen for the pretty man and his gleaming auburn eyes before he even noticed.

And as Jeonghan falls asleep on Jisoo’s lap, Jisoo doesn’t hear the faint whisper of Jeonghan saying, _“Jisoo, you’re such a liar.”_

_\--_

Over the course of the summer, Jisoo learns that his friends are pretty much mutual friends with Jeonghan and Jeonghan’s friends. And Jeonghan’s friends are mutual friends with Wonwoo and Mingyu’s circle of friends. The three small groups turned into one big circle of thirteen loud college boys. And over the summer, they spend their time bonding over Seungcheol’s humiliating past, Junhui and Minghao’s non-subtle flirting, Seungkwan’s karaoke skills, and Jisoo’s eyes when he’s looking at Jeonghan.

But fall is around the corner as the summer air turns windy and the sun doesn’t shine as long as it did in mid-July.

Fall is around the corner, which means the new semester is going to seep through the remnants of summer fun very soon, which also means Jisoo is dragged into another one of Seungcheol’s exaggerated ideas to spend the last of their holidays together. And when Seungcheol means together, it always means Himself, Jisoo, Wonwoo and Mingyu, this time with the rest of the boys and a hundred other people crowding the club that night.

So right now, in the damp air of late august and deafening sounds of the speakers, Jisoo stands by the bar table of a frequently visited club. Mingyu and Wonwoo are somewhere on the dance-floor, making bets on who can grind the most people. Seungcheol is probably trying to flirt with several girls at the same time. In the corner of Jisoo’s eyes he can see Minghao being slammed into a wall as Junhui pushes to kiss him. Soonyoung is, so to say, trying to flirt with tonight’s DJ, which apparently means Jihoon. Jisoo can’t help to laugh at all of them.

This reminds him of that time in July when Minghao, who was then new to Jisoo, blatantly asked him, quote unquote _why aren’t you condemning us gays to the pits of hell when you’re known as the preppy, devout-to-god kid?_

He remembers Minghao’s pouty face and scrunched eyebrows and his little oh when he answered.

Jisoo wouldn’t condemn anyone. That’s not a human’s job, nor an Angel’s job, nor the job of the devil. Jisoo believes that no creature of God has the right to make hasty judgement on others, unless told to. And Jisoo believes that there is nothing to hate about loving someone, anyone at that. Love wasn’t meant to bring hate. Love wasn’t meant to bring red. Love isn’t a sin.

But Jisoo thinks, in all honesty, at this moment when the music is blaring and the room is dim but the lasers are flashing colors, at this moment when he stands near the bar table and sip fruit cocktails, at this moment when all he sees is Jeonghan slick, dyed-back-black hair and a see-through white shirt, Jisoo might have forgotten what sin is in the first place. Maybe sin doesn’t exist with Jeonghan.

 

“Jisoo! If you keep eye-fucking Jeonghan, might as well go up and fuck him for real, he’d appreciate it,”

Sometime Jisoo wonders why his new friends don’t have a brain-to-mouth filter, or maybe that’s the influence of Seungcheol and Wonwoo and Mingyu. Or maybe it’s they influence one another. Jisoo also wonders why he never has the heart to kick pretty face Chwe Hansol in the butt on most occasions.

So Jisoo just says, “If you actually had the guts to ask Seungkwan out, he would appreciate it too.”

Jeonghan, who had walked closer and heard the remark, laughed so bright Jisoo thinks his smile single-handedly outshone the blinking laser lights. Hansol only turns bright red and leave towards the sea of people.

Jeonghan has had a couple of drinks in the past few hours they been here. It’s like when he met Jeonghan for the first time. Gleaming eyes and a bright smile, so easy on the eyes and heavy to the weight on Jisoo’s confused little heart at the center of his chest. Jeonghan is so beautiful Jisoo wishes someone would gauge his eyes out so he wouldn’t fall in love with the glow in Jeonghan’s smile. But then again, if the strings of fate and the hands of god destined for them to meet anyway, Jisoo would have fallen for the glow in Jeonghan’s soul instead.

“Are you going to keep staring at me?” Jeonghan smirks from the corner of his lips.

Jisoo is star-struck, and maybe for the first time in his life, he knows what intoxication feels like because Jeonghan’s voice is velvet-smooth and he’s so close Jisoo can practically feel the puffs of breath on his own skin and his legs are gelatin and he’s about to fall to the ground.

“You look pleasing. I couldn’t have helped myself,” Jisoo says with a smile on his lips.

Jeonghan steps back. “Do I?”

Jisoo doesn’t know why he steps closer. “Would I really lie?”

“No, because you’re a boring tightass.” This time, Jeonghan doesn’t move. He straightens his back and smiles wide and bright and Jisoo needs to tell himself not to lurch forward and taste that smile on his lips.

Jisoo lightly shoves Jeonghan’s shoulder while he tries to stifle a laugh. Although, he immediately fails because Jeonghan is giggling. And Jisoo swears to the clouds in Eden that the only thing more beautiful than Jeonghan’s smile is Jeonghan’s ear-tickling, bright, lovely laugh.

And somehow, here in the middle of town where the music is deafeningly loud and the laser lights blind your irises, there’s only Jeonghan. Jeonghan and Jisoo. Jisoo thinks his world might not need anything else other than Yoon Jeonghan. Jeonghan who is as captivating as the golden gates of Eden. Jeonghan who is even more beautiful than all the seraphim combined. Jeonghan who is just... Jeonghan. Lovely, lovely Jeonghan. Even here, when the lights are artificial and blaring obnoxious colors, Jeonghan stays beautiful. Jisoo might be in deeper trouble than he thought he was.

But then he can hear the thumping of his heart louder than the thumping of the speaker bass because suddenly, Jeonghan leans in even closer and Jisoo can almost feel their noses touching. Jisoo doesn’t move. Maybe he was too shaken to step backwards, or maybe, he didn’t want to. Because right now, with Jeonghan’s lips on his, the world is muted. Jisoo can feel something burn on the tips of his lips, on the pit of his stomach, and the center of his chest.

Jeonghan kisses him, and he doesn’t do anything.

Jisoo lets him.

Jeonghan has his eyes closed and the long lashes on his eyelids sweep the pale skin of his cheek, and Jisoo can only think Jeonghan looks even prettier like this. So close.

Jeonghan moves away when he realizes Jisoo isn’t kissing back, and then he realizes that he just kissed Jisoo. Jeonghan scrambles into panic as thousands of apologies spill from his tongue.

Jisoo just stands there, the world is still somehow muted, the room is still spinning and he’s dizzy, but he tries to make of what Jeonghan is saying. Jeonghan is probably just drunk. And a kiss in a damp, alcohol-smelling club shouldn’t ever mean a thing. So Jisoo just smiles as he looks at Jeonghan.

Jeonghan’s eyebrows furrow and Jisoo wants to say it’s okay because it was alcohol induced and Jeonghan would probably forget the next morning. But Jisoo’s throat is hot and dry and he can’t manage to voice anything. Because maybe it’s not okay. Because Jeonghan so easily pushed him off the edge of a cliff he’s been standing on for the whole night, for the whole month, for the whole summer.

He feels water run down his cheeks, so he tries to rub it with the palm of his hands. Jisoo is crying. Jisoo doesn’t understand why he’s crying, and Jeonghan looks taken aback by the tears falling from Jisoo’s face. Jisoo wipes them again and again and he just laughs because there’s nothing wrong.

So Jisoo just smiles again at Jeonghan as he take quick steps towards the building’s exit. Jisoo is glad Jeonghan doesn’t chase after him.

 

 

Jeonghan sits on the bar stool, head on the table while his hands hold an empty cup of beer.

When his Wonwoo comes to ask him where Jisoo went, he only answers in a mumbled voice,

“I’m an idiot.”

 

 

Jisoo sits on the the single rough carpets of in the middle of his living room floor, hugging his knees while he wraps himself in the white feathers of the only wing left on his body.

When he thinks about the warmth of Jeonghan’s lips, he only shakes his head.

“It doesn’t mean a thing. You’re not in love.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yoooooo this is part 3 and thanks for reading,, pls leave comments i love comments they are very much appreciated :))  
> tq for the kudos as well ok :))
> 
> find me on twitter: [nonuwu](twitter.com/nonuwu)


	4. part 3: I have fallen

 

 

_He roams across the city to count the bodies lying lifeless on the stone pavements._

_One, two, a hundred, two._

_Ah, there's still another fight._

_And that is where his mistake starts._

_Over the thousands of years he was assigned on earth, he developed a habit of picking a favorite person each era. Maybe it was to pass the time, wait until his boredom subsides.Maybe because they were unique. Maybe he was lonely._

_And maybe he's stupid but that day, when a beautiful man with gleaming auburn eyes –a beautiful little favorite that he picked for this era– stands in front of a thrown dagger, he dives down an puts himself between them._

_The man behind him gasps in surprise, and in all honestly, Joshua wants to gasp in surprise too, because the thrown blade flings across the air and comes flying back at the person who threw it, landing on their heart in a stab._

_Joshua grimaces at the sound of a dropping body and the sight of trickling red._

_And when the man behind him looks up to say thank you to the savior of his life, Joshua is already gone, flew across the sky in a subtle attempt to run away from his sin._

_He had just killed a man._

_Red._

_Blood and sin and red._

_He is red._

 

 

\--

 

 

 

Jeonghan and Jisoo don’t talk about the kiss at all after that night. The memory left in their heads to be ignored forever. Sometimes, Jisoo can still feel the warm feeling of Jeonghan’s lips when he goes to sleep, but he tries to brush it away.

 

Classes started around a month ago. Jeonghan is busy with his senior year, and so is Jisoo. They haven’t seen each other in a little bit more than two weeks.

And Jisoo doesn’t admit it. He won't ever, in his life, dare to. But he would be lying if he doesn’t miss Jeonghan.

Because in all honesty, Jeonghan has been almost the only thing in Jisoo's head over the course of the passing days. Jeonghan's eyes, Jeonghan's smile, the tip of his fingers and the swish of his hair. Just, Jeonghan.

And Jisoo hopes, for at least a little bit, that Jeonghan misses him too. Maybe then he won't feel as dumb or as vain. Maybe he would stop feeling too guilty and just enjoy the sweet little moments Jeonghan brings him. Just if he has even a little, just a little hint of what Jeonghan feels, maybe he would stop begging between Jeonghan staying, or himself leaving.

Because when Jeonghan rings the doorbell of his apartment with lukewarm convenience store sandwich, a mat and an order for Joshua to bring his own blanket and follow him, Jisoo hopes that he's not the only one that feels the bubbly bursts in his stomach.

The sky is clear today. The stars are out and flickering in the dark void of the night, beautiful and untouchable.

Jeonghan spreads the mat on the ground, patting it down so it doesn’t wrinkle before laying his whole body on it. Jisoo thinks Jeonghan looks very cute like this, messy hair and sleepy eyes wrapped inside a blanket. Jeonghan taps the space on his side, motioning for Jisoo to come join him, so he does.

Jisoo learns Jeonghan loves the stars a little while ago when Jeonghan rummaged through Jisoo’s shelves and found a yellow, wrinkly old book about ancient astronomy. Jeonghan doesn’t ask where he got it. He flipped through the pages and points at the constellations he recognizes, trying to read the words on the pages but utterly failing. It is a dead language, anyway.

After that, Jeonghan asks Jisoo about the constellations he knows, and at that time, Jisoo thinks that there are no stars prettier than the ones in Jeonghan’s eyes. None is as bright nor as twinkling under the dim light of the moon in early autumn.

 

And so they lay there, under the sky, beneath the fluffy blankets they brought to the rooftop. Eating tasteless bread while they stare at the expanse of glittering lights.

“Jisoo, what do you think of… unorthodox relationships?”

Sometimes Jeonghan asks the most unexpected questions during the most unexpected times. Jisoo only laughs.

“It’s still love, isn’t it?”

Jeonghan hums, Jisoo knows by heart that it’s the little hum he makes when he’s sleepy but he’s trying his best to stay awake.

“But doesn’t god hate the them?”

Jisoo scoffs, men and their imaginations. “No,” Jisoo replies. “Humans hate the thought of it. Because they think it’s unnatural. And then they make manmade gods so other people believe in the same notion.”

Jeonghan blinks. “I thought you were like, religious, what the fuck was that atheistic shit?”

“I didn’t say I don’t believe in god. I implied that humans made their own depictions of god,” Jisoo pauses. “Which is, so to say, way off.”

Jeonghan turns to Jisoo, eyes squinting. “How do you know?”

“Maybe I met god before.”

Jeonghan laughs, so Jisoo laughs as well.

“So what god do you believe in if they’re all manmade?”

Jisoo pinches Jeonghan’s arms, he lets out a shriek. “You sure ask a lot, Yoon.”

“Can’t help to be curious,” Jeonghan shrugs.

Jisoo stays silent for a little while before answering. “Maybe I don’t identify with a specific religion’s god . They’re so... unreal.”

“But you believe in god?”

Jisoo sighs, he really wants to laugh because how can you not believe in something that has created you, shaped you to what you are and sent you down for punishment.

“I believe in a creator.”

Jeonghan hums again. “I see.”

Jisoo watches Jeonghan eyes flicker like the stars above them. He watches as Jeonghan fails to blink the sleep away.

Jeonghan mumbles before he drifts into sleep, “So if I said I like you... then... it wouldn’t be against your belief right?”

Jisoo’s heart pounds at the words. Stammers at the confession left high in the air, unable to answer. Perhaps Jisoo could’ve answered in a different circumstance, if they met at a different time. Maybe then, falling in love wouldn’t seem atrocious to Jisoo. What last pieces of pride would he lean on if he falls in love in his time of atonement? That has never been heard before.

But maybe, if it’s only a little while, it would be okay. Because when early autumn air blows through the spaces between their bodies and Jeonghan lays his head on Jisoo's chest, clutching his blankets on the roof of Jisoo's apartment building, he hopes that he doesn’t have to leave.

 

Drifting in peaceful sleep, Jisoo lets Jeonghan stay curled under the blankets and on his torso. But when he saw the shivers Jeonghan’s body make, he covers Jeonghan with his own blanket and carries him between his arms to the room of his apartment, where hopefully, it’s warm enough to make the shivering stop.

Jisoo smiles when Jeonghan sighs in content as he places him in the middle of the bed, covered with two blankets and all the pillows Jisoo has.

When Jisoo walks out the bedroom door to lock up and turn off the lamps, he’s startled by the figure casually sitting in the dining room. Jisoo takes a deep breath and walks towards the figure. As he gets closer, his eyebrows furrow in confusion.

“Samuel?”

The boy smiles at him, “It’s been a while, Josh.”

Jisoo scoffs, “Yeah. Like, three-and-a-half hundred years. What brings you here?”

The boy, Samuel, walks over to Jisoo and engulfs him in a tight hug. “I missed you.”

Jisoo melts at the gesture, emotions bubbling out from his chest after eons taping them inside his body. “Yeah. I miss you, too.” Jisoo’s breath is shaky.

“Home’s been boring without you,” Samuel says. “So I requested a leave from archives for guardianship. I have been positioned for this region. When I found out you were still sticking around here, I went as fast as possible.”

Jisoo gasps, “ _You,_ left _archives?”_

Samuel grins and taps Jisoo’s shoulder. “You make it as if I did something blasphemous! Besides, looking through deed books is boring.”

Jisoo chuckles and shakes his head. “Well, be careful. Look what guardianship did to me,” Jisoo says as he extends his arms to the side. Jisoo’s body looks as if it’s divided into two hemispheres, the left one glowing gold as if to make a point.

Samuel frowns at Jisoo’s words. “The court has been unfair to you. Even The Lord didn’t want to sentence you.”

“I deserve it, though.”

“The only ones that have said so are you, who did not deserve it, and the court, who made hasty decisions. Raguel has been missing you. There is not another target for his childish bullying back in Eden.”

Jisoo laughs as he remembers the face of the mentioned name. Raguel is a little one, shorter than Jisoo, even. Raguel, one of the notorious Children of Eden who always made it his job to wreak havoc, one of the Children the Creator favored. “That little scoundrel is younger than I am!” Jisoo exclaims.

Samuel laughs along with Jisoo. And this moment, he really does miss home.

So Samuels attempts to bring the topic elsewhere. “What about you and the pretty boy?” He asks.

Jisoo raises an eyebrow. “What pretty boy?”

Samuel scoffs, “The one you just affectionately carried into another small space that seems to be your bedroom. Do you like him?”

Jisoo stiffens. Does he? Maybe he does. But he’s not supposed to, right? Even if he does, Jeonghan wouldn’t feel the same way. Even if he does, he wouldn’t let Jeonghan fall in love with a fallen. Jeonghan doesn’t deserve to fall in love with someone who’s stuck to live for eternity on earth with ripped wings as a punishment.

Samuel’s expression falters when he looks at Jisoo’s eyes. “You love him, don’t you?”

Jisoo is quick to shake his head. “I’m not supposed to. It will pass. I won’t let myself.”

Samuel frowns, “Brother,” he starts. He gets closer and holds Jisoo by his shoulders. “Falling in love isn’t a sin.” He sighs. “It never was, and you know that.”

“Do you think I would let someone like him know I’m a fallen?” Jisoo says more like a statement than a question. Samuel only sighs.

Jisoo leans forward to hug Samuel again. “I wouldn’t be able to bear it if he knew and left,” Jisoo’s breath is shaky again.

Samuel gives Jisoo a pained smile as he pats Jisoo’s back to calm him down. “Yeah, just... don’t punish yourself too much over it, okay? Just enjoy the time you have.” He sighs, Jisoo doesn’t miss the mumble of _love doesn’t always come twice._

 

When Samuel leaves, vanished into thin air in the middle of Jisoo’s dining room, Jisoo feels tired, like he just lifted a boulder as big as a mountain with his own bare hands. Jisoo opts to sleep on the living room couch, not wanting to wake Jeonghan up if he walks into his bedroom.

 

Jeonghan sits right in front of Jisoo’s bedroom door. Awake and aware because of the voices talking while he tried to sleep. Jeonghan only mumbles to himself. _A fallen?_

 

Jeonghan doesn’t mention anything he heard that night to Jisoo, afraid it would cause him panic instead. Jeonghan just keeps an eye for the little things Jisoo does, or the little things Jisoo says. Sometimes, Jisoo doesn’t realize that it washes out the secret little by little.

 

 

\--

 

 

_Head hung low, He stands in the middle of the High Court to determine his fate. He expects to be stripped of his wings, disassembled and limbs shredded into dust, thrown to the skies at night for the stars to feed. He thinks that’s the best and worst punishment a creature like him could have._

_But maybe He thinks wrong, and maybe fate has other plans for him. Because his head snaps up in surprise when he hears the rumbling voice of the creator, and then comes the whispers and questions of surprise from everyone present._

_And everyone looks at him like they can't decide which possible punishment is better, death by the stars or eternal exile._

_Because He lives._

_He will live on earth without the promise of coming back to Eden._

_He will live on earth as an angel stripped from one of his wings as a reminder of sin, stripped from his duties to The Creator as a reminder of distrust, stripped of his tittle and divinity in Eden as a reminder of a mistake._

_He will live on earth as someone with golden eyes who can see trough mankind's skin and bones, all of a person's deeds, sins and virtues, past and probable future, as a reminder of what he is, what he quite isn't, what he used to be._

_He will live on earth as a creature that lives forever, as punishment and atonement._


	5. part 5: I love you

Jeonghan and Jisoo spend many evenings huddled up on the couch of Jisoo’s living room watching anything from cheesy rom-coms on local channels to actions movies on HBO. And today is no different. Jeonghan is leaning on the armrest, sipping from a carton of banana milk. Jisoo is leaning on Jeonghan’s shoulders, hugging a small pillow. His eyes are already closed and he’s ready to indulge in falling asleep. They stay like for some time, listening to the television filling the silence while the air conditioner hums distantly.

Jeonghan moves to sit more upright, stirring Jisoo from his almost-nap. When he opens his eyes, Jeonghan is facing him, looking at him the way he sometimes does. It’s not the look Jeonghan makes when there’s something on Jisoo’s face, because he isn’t laughing and flicking stray rice from his cheeks. This is the look that makes Jeonghan look like there’s a flickering fire behind his eyes and unspilled words trying to drip from his lips. It makes Jisoo a little bit more alert, all the hairs on his skin standing straight from the shivers Jeonghan’s gaze sends troughout his nerves. It’s a signature look he pulls when he’s going to propose a questionable idea but he wants Jisoo to give in before he even starts talking.

So Jisoo stills, locking his eyes with Jeonghan because there’s not much for him to do in situations like these. They sit facing eachother, legs crossed on the couch above the sound of steady breathing. Jisoo’s heart skips a beat, maybe two, when the tips of Jeonghan’s finger graze his forehead, swiping it to the side to tuck the strands of hair in front of Jisoo’s face. Jeonghan’s finger doesn’t stop; it traces a line up from Jisoo’s temple down to his chin before coming back up to gently caress Jisoo’s cheek. Jeonghan smiles.

Jisoo is not foreign with Jeonghan’s touches. Jeonghan has touched Jisoo a lot of times before. When Jeonghan takes Jisoo’s hand and makes him run the distance between the mini-market and his apartment because the pitter patter of rain hastily hits their heads, or when Jeonghan pins him on the floor and starts tickling him until he laughs like there’s no tomorrow. But this is different. Unlike the casual pushing and pulling, the action feels different, and it makes Jisoo’s head hazy and heartbeat frantic. Like it’s supposed to be something more, like _it is_ something more. Like it’s the something Jisoo wants as equally as he’s afraid of it.

It’s only been seconds, but it’s been seconds that feel too long even for Jisoo who’s been counting the centuries. But Jeonghan is still looking at him, gaze never wavering. Jisoo starts to take deeper breaths because Jeonghan always, _always_ yanks the air and the lungs out of Jisoo’s chest without fail, leaving him in a painfully sweet breathlessness. Jisoo never dares to look away.

 “Jisoo,” Jeonghan says, smooth and silky and sugary sweet. “I love you.”

_Oh no._

Jisoo’s eyes widen and suddenly everything is blurred around the edges, the sounds across the room instantly deep and muted and he can’t make out anything Jeonghan is saying except his own name only because the way Jeonghan rolls it out from between his lips is engrained in the back of Jisoo’s brain forever.

Jisoo doesn’t know what to do. Inside his head, he laughs a little because it feels just like he imagined. Jeonghan’s words are throbbing and pounding in his head and in his chest but he wants to feel it anyway because he knows what it means but he’s afraid of it just as much as he wants it.

Jisoo tries not to crack and fall to pieces when he feels something on his lips– Jeonghan’s lips on his while Jeonghan holds him down with his hands on top of Jisoo’s hips. Jeonghan kisses him, sweet and slow like they have all the time in the world, slow and gentle like Jeonghan is trying to give a piece of his heart.  Jisoo doesn’t know to accept it or not, that piece.

Jeonghan slowly backs away when he notices the water dripping from Jisoo’s cheek onto his. Jeonghan panics, stuttering and fumbling as he tries to wipe Jisoo’s tears with the back of his sweater sleeves. Jisoo only leans in to the touch, trying to stop the tears that threaten to fall.

 “Jisoo,” Jeonghan says in a little hushed whisper. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that but you were kissing me back so I didn’t stop and, god I’m sorry I read things wrong”

Jisoo shakes his head and replies with equally hushed voices, like what they’re saying is a little secret, a topic not even one of them dared to bring up. “No, you didn’t read anything wrong, I- I wanted to. I wanted to kiss you. I always have.”

“Then why are you crying?” Jeonghan asks, in a voice that’s as gentle, as genuine, as sweet and slow as he can. There’s confusion tinted on his face, and maybe a little bit of fear, masked beneath a small smile he always puts on.

“Because I can’t.” Jisoo looks at him this time. Glassy eyes and tear stained cheek and his beautiful voice is strained. Jeonghan wants to hug him and kiss him better. “I can’t want you. It’s not what I’m supposed to do.”

“And why is that?”

“I can’t.” Jisoo breathes in, shaky and shallow because. “Because I’m not what you think I am.”

Jisoo’s head is hung low and his hands are trembling because this is it. After this, there’s no more Jeonghan curled beside him in the morning he has to get to class. No more Jeonghan bringing him cheap convenience store sandwich for lunch. No more Jeonghan pinpointing the stars in the sky while Jisoo tells him their names and their meanings. No more Jeonghan.

“Jisoo, you are everything I think you are. Maybe more, I don’t know to what extent, but you are”

Jisoo looks up and shakes his head frantically. But Jeonghan sounded so sure, as sure as someone who knows all the secrets of the world can be, and maybe Jisoo’s secret is somewhere behind that voice, backing up Jeonghan’s certainty for everything. Jisoo wants to—so _so_ badly wants to believe in the words Jeonghan says, because for a short fleeting moment, Jisoo copuld have believed that he is exactly like what he seems he is, just another man in love; in another normal circumstance; has met someone to love at a right time. Believed that Jisoo is barren, naked, dry of any lie he could have possibly told.

“No, no I’m not,” Jisoo shakes his head again as a way to convince Jeonghan, maybe even convince himself.

Jeonghan reaches Jisoo’s hand, holds him by the tip of his fingers and looks at him until Jisoo stops shaking, looks him with the same igniting spark in the back of his irises. Jisoo pretends to ignore the burning feeling Jeonghan’s touch leaves on his skin.

“I know what you are, Jisoo. Maybe not entirely, and certainly not the story behind it, but I have a grasp that you’re not entirely human,” Jeonghan says with a calm voice, a little curve on the edge of his lips. Too calm. The sentence implying he’s known all along and he wants Jisoo to crumble in the palm of his hands before Jisoo admits it himself.

And Jisoo does just that, crumble entirely in front of Jeonghan on the inside. He doesn’t know what to do next, what to say next, what to ask next.

So Jisoo pretends he isn’t disintegrating and falling apart in front of Jeonghan and laughs and holds Jeonghan’s hand tighter, relishing the burning feeling on the skin of his hands. At this point Jisoo thinks Jeonghan is fire, ready to burn him, gnaw him until he’s nothing but open feelings.

“What makes you think that?” Jisoo asks, both as a question and as a joke.

Jeonghan inhales air a little bit like he doesn’t understand why Jisoo is laughing.

“Jisoo,” Jeonghan says, a little but more stern this time, a little bit more sure than before. “You can tell me, you know.”

Jisoo melts at how concerned Jeonghan sounds. It makes him want to give in and tell him everything. To physically dissolve his heart and soul and put it in a glass jar for Jeonghan to hold. To see all of Jisoo as clear as the stars in the sky Jeonghan loves so much. But Jisoo won’t give in. He doesn’t know if he should. He’s afraid if he says even one more word, Jeonghan would stand up and walk towards Jisoo’s apartment door and leave. Leave and never come back. Jisoo doesn’t want Jeonghan to leave.

“Maybe it’s not worth it,” Jisoo says in a stained voice. He’s so tired. So, so tired and he wants to sleep surrounded by Jeonghan’s warmth, Jeonghan’s scent, body. Everything. “Nothing is worth losing you.”

Jeonghan lets go of Jisoo’s hand. Jisoo looks up to search Jeonghan’s face. His eyebrows are furrowed and he leans in closer. “Who ever said you would lose me?”

Jisoo shakes his head again, maybe at some point his neck would snap and his head would fall off but he thinks thats a better option.

“Who ever said that?” Jeonghan asks again, still too calm, still too stern. Like he’s casually peeling Jisoo’s skin tissue by tissue.

“You would. Maybe, even if you don’t want to, you will. Maybe He’ll take you away. And I can’t have that. I can’t,” Jisoo says and he drops his head in the nook of Jeonghan’s shoulders. Hands gripping the sides of Jeonghan’s cotton shirt, Jisoo trembles.

Jeonghan holds Jisoo in his arms as he traces soothing patterns on the surface of his back. “I won’t go anywhere,” Jeonghan repeats it, “I won’t go anywhere.”

Jeonghan sings a song, a simple melody to lull little boys to sleep. Jeonghan once said his mother would tuck him in and sing when the wind was too strong and the creaks of the wooden floors kept him awake.

Jeonghan sings and brushes Jisoo’s hair until he calms down. He stops when Jisoo raises his head and looks at Jeonghan with pink eyes. He slides both of his arms from Jisoo’s back and cups his face. “Were you thinking?” Jeonghan asks, thumbs brushing Jisoo’s wet cheeks, wiping the tears away.

Jisoo nods and sits back straight. Eyes still puffy and pink but his gaze is a lot surer. “I’m going to show you something.”

Jeonghan stares back at Jisoo’s dark brown eyes. Jeonghan’s gaze is sharp but his expression is soft and warm and Jisoo wants to engulf himself in Jeonghan.

“Okay.” Jeonghan wipes Jisoo’s face a second time and Jisoo closes his eyes and leans in to the touch. He lets go and sits straight also. “Only if you want to.”

Jisoo opens his eyes and takes a deep breath. “I do.”

He stands up and he takes two steps away from Jeonghan. He looks at Jeonghan to make sure he’s watching everything, and when he sees that Jeonghan is staring at him as always, with the same _look in his eyes_ and the same curiosity, he closes his eyes again.

One side of Jisoo’s back glows golden for a fraction of a second and something emerges from the bones of his spine. Jisoo grimaces at the sound of the cracking, popping, bones forming and positioning themselves. And when the sounds stop and his body feels even more lopsided, he opens his eyes, brown turned golden and gleaming under the living room lamp. He looks at Jeonghan seated in front of him, still staring just as intently. Jeonghan looks at him with a sweet smile and a warm look and Jisoo wants to melt again.

Jisoo spreads his only wing across the living room floor. He moves it forward, then back, just to get a grip on the forgotten feeling of having wings, one wing. It’s just as white as the time when he flew above the clouds in glory. Just as wide and just as heavy.

“So this is it,” Jisoo starts, not knowing what to say. And when Jeonghan stands up, Jisoo takes a deep breath, trying to stand as still as possible, to not move a single muscle. Jisoo thinks if he moves at this moment, his legs would turn to jelly and he’d fall lifeless on the floor. “You can leave if you want to.”

“Never.” Jeonghan walks the steps that separate them both, closing the distance between their lips and kisses Jisoo in a fleeting, reassuring little kiss. When he pulls back, he caresses Jisoo’s face and kisses his forehead too. “Never in a hundred, thousand, million years. Never in eternity.”

“You won’t?”

“Mhmm.”

“Not even with this?” He moves his wing around again, spreading them and retracting them as though to make a point.

Jeonghan smiles, wide and as bright as the spring sun slowly aligning itself with the horizon, right before setting. Jeonghan takes Jisoo’s hand between his fingers. He brings them to his lips and kiss each knuckle one by one. Jisoo’s cheeks are tinted pink.

“Honestly, if anyone found out that the love of their life turns out to be an actual angel on earth, they would be delighted.”

Jisoo furrows his eyebrows and scrunches his nose. “Fallen angels are sinners. We’re mistakes left to scatter the earth as a form of atonement. There’s nothing to be delighted about.”

Jeonghan keeps rubbing his thumb on the back of Jisoo’s hand. “That’s what you think.”

Jisoo frowns. “Because that’s all we are.”

Jeonghan leans in to steal another kiss from Jisoo and he lets him. He leans in deeper to savor Jeonghan and he would let Jeonghan steal all the kisses he has in his life like Jeonghan steals his heart every day.

“Humans sin all the time, what’s the big deal?”

“Humans are supposed to follow choices. We’re supposed to follow orders. A sin is like an unforgivable defect.”

Jeonghan hums and leaves fleeting touches on the outline of Jisoo’s wing. Jisoo spreads it wider, almost hitting the edge of the coffee table on his far left. Jeonghan giggles and brings both of his hands to the back of Jisoo’s neck. “Really? Because I think it makes you even more beautiful.” He looks at Jisoo with all the sparkles in his eyes gleaming under the dimly lit room and Jisoo thinks he doesn’t need the night sky because all the stars are already present on Jeonghan’s irises. “So, so beautiful.”

“Even before this,” Jeonghan brushes Jisoo’s wing one more time. “Because you’re Hong Jisoo.” Jeonghan stops and buries his head in the crook of Jisoo’s neck and he laughs.

“Why are you laughing?” Jisoo asks, hands going up to brush Jeonghan’s hair, wings moving to engulf jeonghan in an awkward, loose hug.

Jeonghan is still giggling when he looks up at Jisoo. “Because it’s cheesy.” He grins, and Jisoo almost loses balance because he realizes Jeonghan is so, so close and he’s looking at him with that smile, Jisoo always gets a little bit dizzy.

Somehow, its startles Jisoo when Jeonghan laughs again and throws his head back like someone just told him the funniest joke in the world and its quite endearing. When he stops laughing and catches his breath, Jeonghan is still smiling and he’s leaning for a kiss again. “It’s so cheesy- I love you no matter what you are. Because you made me fall in love with all of you before you– before I even realized anything. I love you.”

And Jisoo thinks he’s been afraid for nothing at all. Because Jeonghan is still here and still as beautiful and Jisoo doesn’t regret melting into a gooey puddle of feelings and passion and love. Jisoo is warm and cherry tinted, the blood flowing through his body injected with the feeling of euphoria and relief. Jisoo doesn’t see any trace of red anywhere. Just jeonghan. Him and Jeonghan and the golden hues of their skin.

Jisoo closes his eyes and tries to hold in a smile as he relinquishes the warmth of Jeonghan’s hand now snaking beside his hips. He stays silent before he opens his eyes again. Golden and gleaming, but never as blinding as the universe in Jeonghan’s eyes. “Yoon Jeonghan,” he starts, smiling so wide his eyes starts to crinkle at the edges. “I’ve fallen in love with you.”

Jisoo pulls Jeonghan closer and kisses him slow. Kisses him like theres nothing that could go wrong. They smile to the kiss and Jisoo can feel Jeonghan’s stifling giggle threatening to leave his lips.

“Have you?” Jeonghan asks, eyes glinting and still mischievous as if he doesn’t know what he does to Jisoo. As if he doesn’t know that Jeonghan is all Jisoo thinks of when the moon is up and he’s curled between the bedsheets wanting something else to warm him other than the thin blanket on his feet.

Jisoo hums. “A very, very steep fall.” And then Jisoo pushes Jeonghan backwards until he starts losing his balance and fall on his back. Jeonghan gasps as Jisoo tips himself forwards and softens Jeonghan’s fall by catching him with his wing before Jeonghan could manage to touch the ground. Jisoo balances himself with both arms propping himself on the floor, caging Jeonghan beneath his body and above hid feathery wing and he grins. “Steeper than that. You’re lucky I’m still alive.”

“If I knew you were going to push me down after saying all that mush, I would have went straight for the door.”

Jisoo laughs and he lets himself fall beside Jeonghan. “You wouldn’t. You said it yourself, you wouldn’t.”

Jeonghan turns his head towards Jisoo. “I’m currently rethinking that statement.”

“Really?”

“No, I would never.”

They look at each other’s eyes and all Jisoo can think about is how could he have survived life without Jeonghan all these years when Jeonghan is so beautiful and so perfect and so warm in his chest that he might of have forgot what it was like to be alone.

“I’ve been alive for more than ten millennia, but you, Yoon Jeonghan, made me fall in love with you in less ten months, or, rather, the first ten seconds our eyes met.”

They both laugh while they lay on Jisoo’s rough living room carpet. Both forgetting what they were so afraid of. Because they have all of themselves for each other. And right now, that’s all what matters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it is I, back with this chapter full of sappy mush because i love mushy cliche's. they did it yall. they did the gooey confessies!!
> 
> also! i appreciate every single kudos, bookmarks and comments. thank you!! pls give this little story even more love :)))
> 
>  
> 
> find me on twitter: [nonuwu](twitter.com/nonuwu)


	6. part 5: I want you

Jeonghan kisses Jisoo like he needs it to breath, deep and strong and passionate as they try to maneuver themselves to Jisoo’s bedroom. They managed to not fall flat on their backs or hit the tables and chairs, but Jeonghan pushed Jisoo so hard to the wall it made a very loud thump and Jisoo smacks Jeonghan’s shoulder from his caged position between Jeonghan’s arms and the walls

And when they land on the bed, Jisoo doesn’t know where to put his hands, so he puts it on his face to hide himself.

"Hey," Jeonghan stops touching Jisoo and sits up, confused and concerned. "Hey, Jisoo, look at me."

Jisoo doesn’t put his hand down. He widens his fingers and looks at Jeonghan from the spaces between it. Jeonghan holds him at the wrist, prying it away so he can see all of Jisoo. So when his hands are gripping the bedsheets instead, his eyes water because Jeonghan is looking at him like he has the world right beneath his fingers, like he doesn’t need anything else the universe has to offer. And Jisoo crumbles because Jeonghan looks at him the way he does despite everything Jisoo told him. Because Jisoo knows how it feels to look at a person like that. _Like you're complete._

"Are you okay? Do you want me to stop?"

Does he? He should. But he doesn’t feel that way, not at all, not even a bit. He doesn’t want Jeonghan to do anything but touch him and leave liquid fire on the expanse of his skin, head to toe to head again. He just wants all of Jeonghan.

"No," he breathes, heavy and calculated. Jisoo wouldn’t ever tell Jeonghan to stop. Never. Never to Jeonghan. But he looks at Jeonghan while he says it. As if one flicker of doubt in his eyes might chase Jeonghan away forever, leaving him in a room with a heart full of screaming feelings alone. All alone. "I'm okay. I'm okay."

_I'm okay_ , Jisoo reassures himself. Reasoning himself. Because he wants to. Even if right now, all he's seeing is red. Jeonghan and him and red.

 

But for once, Jisoo thinks this red is beautiful.

Because it’s Jeonghan and he wants Jeonghan like he's never wanted anything before in his long, long life. Because Jeonghan is deep, deep burgundy like the wine he sips through his pale lips. Because Jeonghan's fleeting touches that trace along his skin is even more burning than the blaring red he is used to.

Jeonghan kisses Jisoo with fervor and passion and all the feelings embed between his lips. Jeonghan kisses Jisoo numb until both their lips are swollen and red and they're gasping for air. He Kisses Jisoo like he never wants to– never will let go.

He unbuttons Jisoo's shirt with quick movements and gently slide them off Jisoo's lean shoulders. He strips Jisoo off every article of clothing he has on. Gently peeling Jisoo open one by one and throwing everything across the floor.

Jeonghan's lips trail along Jisoo's body, admiring, memorizing every little bit of his skin. Every single detail. Jisoo's skin turns multiple shades of red from his cheek to his ear and to his open, naked chest. And Jeonghan thinks all of Jisoo is so, so, so beautiful.

He goes up and kisses Jisoo's nose. "You good?"

"Yeah... Yeah."

"Okay. I'm going to prep you."

And Jeonghan pulls out a lube packet from the back pocket of his jeans. Jisoo is trembling of nervousness but he laughs at Jeonghan's action.

"You have lube in your pocket?"

"A man has to come prepared, my dear." Jeonghan tears open the packet and looks at Jisoo again. "Tell me if you want me to stop."

Jisoo bites his lips and grips the bedsheets harder when Jeonghan's cold, slicked finger touches the opening of his rim. He starts with a finger and Jisoo is grimacing at the feeling. It’s way too uncomfortable and the sting is foreign but he holds every complaint down at the back of his throat. Because it’s Jeonghan and he trusts Jeonghan.

When Jeonghan slides in another finger, the pain doesn’t go away and Jisoo bites his lips so hard they threaten to draw blood. Jeonghan kisses him after that. He whispers sugary sweet promises to Jisoo and peppers him with tiny pecks everywhere on his chest.

Jisoo gasps and moans when Jeonghan hits something inside him that sends shivers down his spine and down his groin and he curls his toes.

"Is this okay?" Jeonghan asks as he kisses Jisoo again and again and again. He uses his free hand to brush back Jisoo's sweaty fringes and smiles like he can't get enough of Jisoo. Never enough of Jisoo.

Jisoo whimpers when Jeonghan hits the same spot again and takes heavy, shallow breaths. "Keep going," another gasp. "I'm okay."

Jeonghan uses his other hand to finally, finally touch Jisoo's hardening dick. He brushes the tip and traces the outline with one finger as he adds a third finger down his ass and Jisoo is already a heaving, moaning mess.

"Jeonghan, Jeonghan, _Jeonghan_."

Jeonghan lets go of Jisoo's dick and gives his ass one more stretch. He climbs up to where Jisoo's face is distorted in pleasure and devours his lips like its candy. Jisoo snakes a hand on Jeonghan's neck to kiss him harder, deeper, because he wants Jeonghan so much he doesn’t know what else to do.

Jeonghan licks Jisoo's bottom lip before pulls away. Jisoo's hand is still on the back of Jeonghan's neck, holding him there. Their noses are touching and Jisoo thinks if Jeonghan is so beautiful he couldn’t ever be another form of punishment. Jeonghan is a blessing and a prayer come true. He smiles and pulls Jeonghan closer to give a peck on his lip and stops to thank god for letting him meet Jeonghan.

"I want you," Jisoo says in a whisper, like it’s a secret and the whole world can't know. Perhaps Jeonghan _is_ his whole world and he's the only one that needs to know.

Jisoo doesn’t realize the color red slips away from his sight because suddenly Jeonghan takes all his clothes off and Jisoo can't breathe because he's seeing Jeonghan bare for the first time and he doesn’t know how it's possible to be so entranced with someone.

They kiss again and again until their bodies are pressed so close Jeonghan is grinding his dick on Jisoo's and he gasps and moans and puts his hand on his lips to stop the sounds from coming out. But Jeonghan grips Jisoo's wrist and pry them away from his face. Jeonghan kisses him a little bit softer this time, like they have all the time in the world and Jisoo melts again.

"You sound beautiful," Jeonghan whispers against his ear, poking his lobe with the tip of his tongue. Jisoo shivers.

Jeonghan puts his hand on Jisoo's dick again, stroking slowly. Painfully slowly. Jisoo's hips thrust up with the jerk of Jeonghan's wrist and it’s so overwhelming and not enough at the same time and Jisoo wants more. More of Jeonghan.

"Please-" Jeonghan rubs the tip of his dick and Jisoo moans. "Jeonghan."

"Please what, baby?" Jeonghan isn't stopping his ministration on Jisoo's aching cock and instead adds to his frustration by sucking and biting on his inner thigh. Jisoo is a mess and it's only the beginning.

"Please," Jisoo tries again. He wants more of Jeonghan so bad he might cry. So he opts to coax Jeonghan to do something, anything more than touch his dick. "Jeonghan... Make love to me. _Please_."

And Jeonghan kisses Jisoo again and again and again, touching him with the tip of his fingers and his palms in all the right places. And when Jeonghan pushes into Jisoo, it’s overwhelming because it hurts but it feels so right and Jeonghan feels so hot. Jisoo moans loud and chants Jeonghan's name like it’s the only prayer he knows.

Jeonghan keeps whispering honey sweet compliments in Jisoo's ear like "You're so beautiful." and "So pretty and all for me." and "You feel so good.” Jisoo is gooey and mushy. And then Jeonghan hits a spot inside Jisoo that makes him scream and moan short _ah, ah, ah_ s until he comes hard all over his torso with a whimper.

Jeonghan is still pulling back and thrusting back in Jisoo's ass and he's slightly over sensitive but Jeonghan still feels so good he does nothing but moan again until he feels Jeonghan's thrust is sloppy before slowing down, coming inside Jisoo. It’s so hot and it feels so good, Jisoo shakes.

When Jeonghan comes down from his high, he peppers Jisoo with tiny little kisses all over his chest and his shoulders and all of his face. He settles down to catch his breath. "Hong Jisoo, I love you."

Jisoo can only say "I love you too." because he's so, so tired and he wonders how people can do these things for hours on end.

When Jeonghan leaves the bed, Jisoo stays still and assures himself that Jeonghan isn’t going anywhere because the man is still butt naked and covered in semen. To Jisoo's expectation, he does come back a couple of minutes after, cum washed off and holding a warm towel. He wipes Jisoo's torso and the cleft of his ass before plopping back down on the bed to nuzzle his face on Jisoo's bare chest.

And now he knows why Jeonghan isn’t bright and blaring and burning red of human sin. He knows why Jeonghan burgundy. Because he tempted someone- something that should not even think of being tempted. Jeonghan is the color of sweet wine because Jeonghan isn’t sin, Jeonghan is falling in love. Ironically, a fallen angel has fallen for Jeonghan, and he loves the fallen angel the same. And it’s not entirely a sin, like a little bit of both and it’s up to them to decide if it’s a blessing or a curse.

And to Jisoo, Jeonghan is, perhaps, more than a blessing. Jeonghan feels like the end of his atonement.

 

 

\--

 

They lay on the white sheets of Jisoo’s bed because they’re both emotionally and physically drained, too tired to move from their huddled up position, still a bit sweaty and sticky but they both don’t mind. Jisoo is flat on his back and Jeonghan lays his head on Jisoo’s right arm. Jeonghan has been asking Jisoo all kinds of questions over the half hour. Mostly about how he became like this but Jisoo doesn’t want to ruin the mood so he keeps the story of the killing and the wing cutting for next time.

“How long have you been alive?”

“I think I existed the same time the apes were everywhere.”

Jeonghan turns and lays on his belly and props his chin on the palm of his hands. “Before humans?”

“Way before humans.” Jisoo chuckles. “Thats a funny story actually. Maybe I’ll tell you some other time.” Jisoo pulls Jeonghan back into his arms so they can cuddle again.

“And you were sent to earth? How long has it been?”

“This year is about my 7000th year on earth. The creator ripped my wing and me denied access to eden– shortly, I got kicked out of heaven about 600 years ago. Fun.”

Jeonghan laughs lightly at the remark. He thinks about how much time Jisoo has spent alive. How many faces he’s seen, how much deaths he encountered, how much people he might have loved. “It must be lonely.”

Jisoo sighs and holds Jeonghan closer until Jeonghan’s temple is resting in the junction between his chest and his shoulders, as if their bodies weren’t already touching in every surface there is. “It was. For a very long time, it was.”

Jeonghan hums. “Past tense?”

“Well now I’ve met you.” Jisoo grins and Jeonghan laughs because they’re so, so cheesy now it’s kind of disgusting but they don’t mind.

“What did you do after you woke up in earth? As... This?”

“For the first years I just prayed for forgiveness. And then I felt like it was pointless so I traveled the world in ships and caravans, trying to help people in need.” Jisoo laughs, “I sound like a pretentious philanthropist.”

“You kind of are.” Jeonghan snorts.

They stay in comfortable silence for a while. Purely enjoying the sound of two breaths mingled together in the spring night air of Jisoo’s open window room.

“Did you know I was a pirate?” Jisoo suddenly says.

“As if,” Jeonghan deadpans. Jisoo is a sweet little blushing mess of a boy. No matter how many millennia he’s lived, Jeonghan wouldn’t ever believe Jisoo would be something as unconventional and unpredictable as a pirate.

Jisoo gasps, “You don’t believe me!” he accuses.

“Of course I don’t! You’re a this...”

“this?”

“I don’t know. Soft? Sweet? Unbelievably hopeless?”

“Say that to past pirate Jose!”

They laugh together, bickering about Jisoo’s actual and probable past. Jisoo feels so warm now, like a lost piece of his soul suddenly attached itself to the rest of his body.

Jisoo keeps throwing Jeonghan trivia about what he’s seen, where he’s been, and little parts of what he was.

“By now, I think you’ve must notice that Hong Jisoo is not my name.”

“I suppose,” Jeonghan hums. “Names are simple but they attach themselves to intricate feelings. I didn’t want to ask.”

Jisoo looks at him in surprise. He really didn’t think Jeonghan would say something like that. A short _I don’t care_ , probably, but not that.

“Joshua.”

“Joshua?”

“My Divine Name.” Jisoo inhales a heavy breath. It’s been so long since he used the name. He remembers the last time someone has called him with that name in Heaven’s Tongue. Right before he woke up in God’s little spherical playground.

“That’s a very common name,” Jeonghan comments.

Jisoo chuckles and he thinks about how many people has named their son and grandson a name just like his. “Well I was the first of them.” He thumps his chest with the fist of his right hand like it’s something worthy of being proud of. “Who did you think the people in the bible were named after?”

“I’m not going to indulge in your self-pride by saying ‘you’.”

“Hey, but it’s true!”

And it’s a little bit true because Jisoo was on earth back when the humans started creating the concept of divine beings and a great Creator. He was there when men ventured the world and went into conquest. He was there to help heal the dying, the one fighting for war, the heroes in their adventures. Some didn’t even realize, some forgot. Some managed to ask him for a name to remember, start a story from the one time they met a miracle. They named their sons and grandsons as a prayer and a wish of good luck after the one mysterious man they met once. A god-sent miracle they met once.

“When you stayed in heaven,” Jeonghan starts again. “Wasn’t it millions of years before humans were you know... smart and stuff”

Jisoo ponders. He really doesn’t remember how time passed back then. “The concept of time in Eden really isn’t that consistent. Sometimes a hundred years on earth feels like a day, sometimes more, sometimes less. I don’t remember much on what happened up there.”

“So you’re not millions of years old?”

“Yes and no, I’ve been alive for the equivalent of fourteen million years on earth but in Eden I don’t think it feels that long. A solid ten thousand, maybe.”

“Ten thousand years and I can’t believe you’re a virgin until like, an hour ago.”

“Why you little-“ Jisoo pinches the sides of Jeonghan’s stomach and Jeonghan yelps.

Jisoo pins Jeonghan to the bed and straddles him, hands snaking to his belly to engage in an all-out tickling extravagance. Jeonghan laughs and begs for him to stop until he’s red and out of breaths and he’s smiling like he always does, bright and sweet and takes every air Jisoo has in his lungs. Jisoo stops tickling Jeonghan and opts to kiss him tiny little pecks instead. On his lips and on his nose to his chest and the back of his ears.

Jeonghan stills ask him questions after that. Even if it’s two in the morning and Jisoo wants to sleep in Jeonghan’s arm and forget the world of tomorrows.

 

“Do angels have ties with each other?” Jeonghan’s voice is getting quieter and he’s trying too hard not to close his eyes and fall asleep.

“Some. Some don’t. Most of them don’t dwell in romantic relationship, and almost all of us are not related, there’s no reason for familial bonds.”

“ _Almost_ all of you?”

“Its like, sometimes the Creator decides to create more than one angel at the same time, that’s when they call themselves siblings.” Jisoo sort of feels weird explaining these little details to someone outside his kind. “Uri and Rags were… sort of in _something_. I wonder how they’re doing.”

Jeonghan giggles and Jisoo looks at him with a raised eyebrow. “What’s so funny?”

“You just used nicknames on archangels,” Jeonghan cackles. “Thats pretty funny.”

And Jisoo tells Jeonghan about many of the famous archangels. One of the creator’s first angels to roam Eden. Archangels are more remembered because they let themselves be remembered, diving into the intricate lives of mortal humans, helping, wreaking havoc. They’re the reasons humans believe in god in the first place. Because the humans chose to believe, even if those angels look like snobby rich kids with red gowns on their bodies. Jisoo thinks it’s because they’re otherworldly pretty.

“Oh yeah, I had a friend,” Jisoo suddenly changes the topic. “Have. I have a friend. Present tense. He would kill me if i said ‘had’.”

“Surprising.”

“Yoon Jeonghan, you belittle me.”

Jeonghan snorts. “You’re cute.” And when Jisoo stays silent because Jisoo isn’t used to affection and compliments, blushing all over just because Jeonghan called him cute, Jeonghan snorts again. “I’d like to meet him, since you said present tense.”

Jisoo traces the skin on Jeonghan’s chest. Jeonghan slaps his hand away. Jeonghan is so ticklish it amuses him.

“Actually, he visited me a week ago.”

“He did?”

Jisoo thinks about Samuel’s words last week. Loving someone isn’t a sin. Maybe deep down he knows, always have known. Maybe he was just afraid of losing Jeonghan. It was never about sin with Jeonghan. Jisoo laughs a bit when he thinks of Samuel. Samuel who was always pouty because he was positioned in regulations and had to view books and books of human lives and the angels in charge of the regions. Samuel who was always so spontaneous and bubbly. His few friend from Eden after he was exiled.

“You should thank him. He was the push that made me consider telling you. I never thought it would be him of all people” Jisoo yawns. “Let’s sleep.”

“Thank you, whoever you are.” And Jeonghan closes his eyes.

 

 

For the first time in six hundred years, Jisoo doesn’t dream of blood and whispers and rumbling voices. He doesn’t dream of falling from the edge of the sky, unable to break the fall because they cut a wing from his back. He doesn’t dream of red.

Tonight, Jisoo smiles as he slowly seeps into slumber. He dreams of flowers and meadows and his favorite laughter. He dreams of Jeonghan, bright and gleaming like the stars and so, so beautiful.

 

\--

 

Jeonghan wakes up to an empty bed in Jisoo's room. There's a single feather on the floor beside the bed. Other than that, there is no trace of another living being in Jisoo's apartment.

Jisoo himself is nowhere to be found.

 

 

Jeonghan asks all of his friends and all of Jisoo's friends if they know where he is. Even Seungcheol doesn’t know.

 

 

After a months of Jisoo still nowhere to be seen, Jeonghan decides to collect the scattered feathers on the floors of Jisoo's apartment. He keeps them in his room, in his bag, a small one in his wallet. He thinks maybe this could serve as a prayer. Maybe Jisoo would come back.

 

 

Two months later, Jeonghan frequents the bar a lot more times than not. It's summer and it eerily reminds him of Jisoo and his shy mid-summer smile in that house party. Jeonghan just smiles as he stares at the white feather in front of him. He's had many drinks tonight. Maybe he should go home. Maybe if he goes home now, Jisoo would be waiting in front of his door like he used to.

 

 

The thing about the whole situation is that Jeonghan can't think of even one single reason why Jisoo suddenly disappeared. They made love that night, and Jisoo fell asleep without having nightmares. Nothing wrong should have happened.

If Jisoo did break up with him, it would have made more sense.

But now, half a year after that night, Jeonghan still hasn’t seen Jisoo. Jun said he would come back, Soonyoung told him to cheer up. Seungcheol said Jisoo did appear in the university so sudden, almost like a ghost, and he said he might of left the same way he came into their lives.

Jeonghan knows what Jisoo is. He knows Jisoo could have left any moment to live his eternal life somewhere else.

But Jisoo had said he loved him. And maybe that’s even more painful than a proper goodbye.

Now, Jeonghan goes to sleep with red, tear stained eyes and a white feather in his palms.

 

 

Jeonghan had graduated last May. So has Seungcheol, Wonwoo, Junhui, Soonyoung and Jihoon. They've maintained contact over the months and they still go drink together. Jun still comes over to his place from time to time, bringing cans of beer for them to bond over.

 

 

Jeonghan thinks it's ironic that he works as a psychologist in HR when he's suffering from the things inside his head as well.

It's been a full year. It's spring again and the sun is bright enough to let the flowers grow but it's still cold enough for his puffs of breath be visible in the air.

Jeonghan still misses Jisoo.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi!!! i'm sorry for being gone a whole month!! i still read comments and check the stats every now and then hehe. i'm really thankful for the kudos and the supprting comments!!
> 
> ok so the reason i wasnt updating this was because i had two weeks of finals, and a very busy week before that. and after finals i got caught up on remedial tests and missed schoolwork so i didnt have any time to edit these very short chapters of mine. second to that, it was ramadhan. idk im not even that religious but knowing i was going to post nsfw on ramadhan went against my morals.... so well!! heres to the awaited update! hope u enjoyed!!
> 
> find me on twitter: [wwonuwu](https://twitter.com/wwonuwu) (i changed usernames!!)


	7. part 6: I’d fall as many times needed

Jisoo wakes up to blinding white lights and an endless room of nothingness.

The clothing on his body is a loose tunic and a toga cloth draped over his shoulders. The cold, pristine, colorless glass tiles under his feet seem to stretch for miles, showing no signs of anything but the reflection of his body right below him.

His wing is spread open and he can feel tingling sensations on each individual feather. Like a vibration.

Jisoo knows where he is.

He knows where he is, but he doesn’t know why he's here, so the least he could to is folds his wings and kneels down.

There's the chill of a passing wind and the marble tiles vibrate with the coming footsteps from in front of him.

"Joshua," The voice calls. Jisoo hasn’t heard his name being spoken in Eden's tongue for centuries. The rumble of the voice seeps through his bones and the bristling wind shivers his skin.

Jisoo's head still hung low, "My lord, you have summoned a sinner inside the gates of Eden. Joshua wonders as to why."

"I see you've fallen in love with a boy."

Jisoo visibly tenses and his head hangs even lower than before. Maybe this time, He will feed him to the stars.

"I apologize for my wrongdoings in the time of my atonement," Jisoo tries.

The Lord stays silent. There's another gush of wind and Jisoo shivers.

"Joshua, stand," He commands.

Jisoo takes a deep breath as he raises his head and stands up.

The endless white room turned dark. The ceilings above him shifted into the form of the night sky, glimmering stars scattered over the empty blackness of the universe. The marble tiles he stood on are now faint clouds swirling beneath his feet. The Clouds of Eden, the strong grounds of Heaven. The corner of Jisoo's lips curl into an unnoticeable smile as he's flood with bits of nostalgia. He looks forward. There's a magnificent throne sitting in the middle of a night sky. The cushions are pure white and the frame of the throne itself is obsidian black.

The Lord takes many forms when He physically meets his subordinates. Jisoo has seen him as a glowing entity, as a faceless man, as other angels, as himself. This time, The Lord sits tall on his throne, legs crossed and arms steady on the armrests of the chair. The white cloth on his torso rustles with the wind. His silver hair wavy and parted in the middle, ends just above his shoulders. There's a crown above his head, tangled into his hair with wire-like structures.

It's amusing to think The Lord is using his own creature's clothing style, even if its centuries outdated.

"Come here, child."

Jisoo takes hesitant steps forward until he's only one step away from The Lord's throne. His heart hammers inside the cages of his ribs. The Lord reaches forward and cups Jisoo's chin, forcing him to look at the endless eyes of The Creator in front of him.

"Do you really love that boy, Joshua?"

Jisoo takes a shaky breath and sighs. He nods, trying his best not to tremble. The Lord retreats his hands and Jisoo only stares at the concern on his face.

"Oh don’t be disheartened, my child," He says. "I do not like it the most when the children of Eden are saddened when they have no reason to be."

Jisoo shakes when he replies, "I am undeserving of your pity, My Lord. I am but a fallen."

"Fallen you have, but burned to ashes you are not." The lord laughs and the sound rumbles under his chest and vibrates the sky. "Joshua, child, I could have not forsaken you. You have not forsaken me, so why would I have?"

Jisoo furrows his eyebrows, "Because I sinned," he says.

"Yes, you have killed, one time." Jisoo grimaces at the memory. "And the court blamed you of unchasteness over an accident when they are no better."

"But I was to be punished for eternity," Jisoo retaliates.

"Have I ever said eternity?" The Lord smiles.

Jisoo thinks. Honestly, he doesn’t remember. The judgement was as fast as lighting and he only remembers the painful fall of it all.

The Lord chuckles again, "The Child of Eden are one of my favorite creations, Joshua. Very interesting dynamics."

Jisoo stays silent.

"You have sinned, and you have atoned. You have even found yourself love in the time of your atonement," The Lord brushes his hands through the brown strands of Jisoo's hair. "Why should I ever prolong suffering to Heaven's children?"

"What's to become of Jeonghan?"

The Lord hums low. The clouds under his feet shift and thin itself, revealing even larger expanse of stars and galaxies under his feet. There's earth in the middle, green and blue and spinning like a globe on a table.

"Whatever you wish to become of him, I suppose."

Jisoo snaps his head at the statement. What he wishes to be? "What does The Lord mean?"

"Love is the last thing I would have as a sin, little child. Love is the reason I watch this planet grow. You have found a boy to love, yet you do not forsake your creator. A very devout child of Eden."

The throne of obsidian black and pure white disappears into a mist of clouds as it gets blown by the wind. The Lord stands in front of Jisoo. White tunic ending below his thighs and his hair still waving with the gushes of wind. The only entity worthy of so many praises for beauty. Jisoo thinks, the only thing more beautiful than Jeonghan is only the creator of such beauty itself.

It’s a little bit awkward for Jisoo because without his throne, The Lord is only so much taller than he is in this form.

"Raguel would have really loved it if you came back to Eden," The Lord sighs. Jisoo smiles, he misses Raguel as so.

"The choice is yours, child." The Lord raises both of his arms. From the palms of his hands form a glowing, silver bubble. In each is a different imagery.

The one on Jisoo's left is depiction of The Gates of Eden, gold, tall and magnificent. There's a pang inside his chest like he misses home.

The one on his right is an image of a man in his twenties, sitting in a room full of another fifty students, pouting his lips as he tries to listen to his professor. Jeonghan.

"What will become of me if I chose Heaven?" Jisoo can't help but ask.

"I will return your right wing and your duties as my subordinate. Maybe I would assign you as guardian."

Jisoo doesn’t know why something he has prayed for, has wanted for so long, sounded so bland and uninteresting. Jisoo smiles to himself, Jeonghan really did change his whole world.

"And if I choose Jeonghan?"

The Lord smiles, because he always knows. "Then you shall stay with him."

"As a fallen?"

"Would you survive the pain of living an eternity when your fated love one dies of age?"

The expression in Jisoo's face changes immediately. In his time since he's known Jeonghan, he wouldn’t even last two weeks before having that nagging feeling of longing, tugging into the strings of his heart. He couldn’t ever imagine an eternity without Jeonghan.

"Would I live as a man, then?" Jisoo asks.

"Only if you choose to."

Jisoo ponders. It couldn’t be that different, would it?

"So then, I would be able to get paper cuts and get drunk?"

The Lord laughs at his question. "Being human is experiencing pain, If you are not comfortable with that, your abilities can still be intact even if you become perishable.”

The Lord looks at him with his endless, silver eyes. It's so scrutinizing yet so welcoming. Jisoo smiles as he think of a life with Jeonghan.

"Then I choose Jeonghan. Over anything else, I would have chosen him."

"Even if I strip the only wing you have right now?"

"Yes, Even if My Lord does so," Jisoo says confidently.

The Lord's hand that was holding the bubble with the imagery of Eden's Gate inside falls to his side, the bubble pops and turns into mist.

He reaches out his other hand, letting Jisoo see the Jeonghan bubble up closer.

"Very well then, Joshua, Child of Eden." The Lord says, voice rumbling, shaking the clouds Jisoo stands on. "You are to live as a man on earth, stripped off of both your wings and your eternal life."

The Lord lets go of the bubble and it floats in mid-air, glowing and gleaming, like Jeonghan's eyes.

"Your wish I have granted, live on earth, my child, I do not intend to take away your abilities as Eden’s Children" The Lord smiles through his words "The gold of your eyes shall remain."

Jisoo can feel the blaring pain on his back as his wings are stripped off. The white feathers flying off one by one and disintegrating into stardust until there's nothing left but a scar on the left side of his back, identical to the one on the right.

"You will forever, still be, a Child of Eden, little Joshua. Pray to me and call your brothers if you wish to return."

The clouds beneath his feet disappears into nothing but the pitch black sky, dark and cold.

And Jisoo falls. But it isn't as terrifying as the last.

 

 

\--

 

 

Jisoo takes a large intake of breath. He's back on his bed.

The bed is cold and Jeonghan isn't anywhere in his room. Jisoo looks around the house to see that everything is still how he left it. Save for the dust accumulated on the shelves, tables, and floors.

He looks outside the window and it's still spring.

Jisoo runs back to his room, he pushes open the wardrobe doors so hard they slam the walls, but Jisoo could care less right now. He quickly puts on a white shirt and decent jeans. It smells drafty, but it will have to do.

Jisoo looks for his phone, and he finds it on the bedside table along with a folded paper. He finds that his phone is dead and he groans.

The breath he take after he reads the little note on the paper is shaky. Jeonghan.

Jisoo bolts out the door of his apartment.

 

_Please come back._

 

 

The first place Jisoo runs to is the university. He's heaving for air by the time he gets to the psychology building. There are new faces everywhere. Jisoo thinks this might be bad.

He taps a random stranger on the shoulder.

"Hey uh, do you know what date is today?"

The stranger seems mildly confused, but he answers anyways. "The 20th of April."

A week, Jisoo thinks. But that doesn’t explain the dust on Jisoo's shelves. "Year?"

"2018?"

 _A year._ Jeonghan would have graduated eleven months ago. Jisoo just groans and says thank you.

 

Jisoo is back in his apartment. He doesn’t know where Jeonghan lives right now. It's been a year and he couldn’t have possibly stayed in university dorms. As his roommate, Wonwoo graduated the same time Jeonghan did, so searching for him at the dorms wouldn’t do much benefit. The rest of his group is either graduated or live outside of the dorms. Going to their houses one by one would be counterproductive.

Jisoo hopes his phone would charge faster because his heart is still racing and he fears it might actually pop out from his chest at any moment since he's human now.

When the screen turns on, he dials Jeonghan's number as fast as possible. But there's only static before the sound of a female operator saying that the number is no longer available.

He calls Seungcheol instead.

_"Jisoo?" fuck, man, where have you been?"_

"No time to explain. Please, please, tell me where Jeonghan is."

Seungcheol only sighs. _"Kid's been fucking crying over you for the past year. Better tell me whats up, Hong."_

"I know. I didn’t mean to. I mean it. Now please, I need to see him."

_"Fine. I'll text you his address."_

Jisoo can only sigh and mumble a thank you through the phone mic.

 

To his luck, Jeonghan still lives in town. A little bit further than the distance to the dorms, with Jisoo’s current state, he’s lucky enough Jeonghan didn’t disappear from the country.

Jeonghan lives in a small apartment building with five stories. His is on the highest floor.

It's almost sunset when Jisoo gets to the building. He knocks on the door several times but there isn't an answer. Then, an old lady appears from the elevator and smiles at him.

"Are you searching for the pretty young lad that lives there?"

Jisoo smiles at the description.

"Yes, does he still live here?" Jisoo asks back.

The lady smiles again, "Oh, yes. He doesn’t come home from work before sunset, though. Might want to wait a bit, dear."

Jisoo sighs in relief. He thanks the lady and leans on the door of Jeonghan's apartment. The sun is starting to set and he wonders how long he has to wait. He's hungry and he's not very used to the feeling.

 

Jisoo hears the elevator ding again. When the door opens and he darts his eyes to look inside, Jisoo's breath is taken away just like the first time they met.

Jeonghan's hair is brown again, it's a little messy from the bristling wind of spring, but the golden light of the sun shines so beautifully on Jeonghan's already beautiful features that the mess only adds to the perfect imperfection of it all. Jisoo thinks it's unfair that someone could look so pretty.

Jeonghan steps out from the elevator, Jisoo can see his breath hitch and he stops in his steps. Jisoo looks straight into Jeonghan's eyes and he can see the pain he's been wallowing in over the months. Jeonghan's eyes aren't gleaming like they used to. They look dull and tired and Jisoo's stomach churns.

Jisoo think he deserves to atone if he was the one who made Jeonghan so miserable.

Jisoo starts rambling the moment he sees the shake in Jeonghan's lips. "I'm sorry, I really didn’t mean to leave. I would never leave y-"

Jisoo didn’t get to finish his sentence because suddenly Jeonghan's lips are on his and it's so, so warm that he wants to say like this forever. Jeonghan feels like a blessing.

Jeonghan pulls away, and Jisoo's heart break at the sight of the tears falling from Jeonghan's cheek. Jeonghan's face is buried in the crook of Jisoo's neck as he sobs loud into Jisoo's shirt. Jisoo lets Jeonghan soak his clothes and lets Jeonghan hit his chest until he's satisfied.

"I hate you," Jeonghan says, voice still breaking.

"I'm sorry."

Jeonghan looks at Jisoo with puffy, red eyes, still sniffling when he continues to ramble.

"I hate that you left, I hate that I knew you loved me and you wouldn’t ever leave, I hate that I didn’t know where or why you were gone," Jeonghan sobs again.

"I hate that I was so sad when no one knew where you went, I hate that I always knew you would come back, and most of all, I hate that right now, when you suddenly appear after one whole fucking year, I can't manage to hate you."

Jisoo wipes the tears on Jeonghan's cheek with the edges of his thumb. Jisoo caresses Jeonghan's face like a touch too harsh would send Jeonghan crumbling down the floor and drifting with the April wind.

"I didn’t ever mean to leave," Jisoo says as he brushes his hands through Jeonghan's hair.

"I know you didn’t. You never would have."

Jeonghan only laughs.

 

 

\--

 

 

“I really am sorry. You’ve been so miserable.”

“Fucking yeah I’ve been. Now, care to explain, Hong?”

Jisoo tells him everything that happened on that day, in the throne room and the clouds of Eden beneath his feet.

“So, yeah, I’m human now. I guess.” Jisoo scratches the back of his head. “I would never leave you, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself. But The Creator summoned me, so really, I had no choice.”

Jeonghan only nods.

“I think I told you about how different time in Heaven and time on earth is?”

Jeonghan nods again.

Jisoo sighs, “I swear it wasn’t even an hour for me in that room.”

Jeonghan stands up and plops himself on Jisoo’s lap. “So you chose a measly human over the Heavens?”

“What measly human? I see the most beautiful creature God has ever carved,” Jisoo says, chuckling.

Jeonghan smiles at that, “That’s kind of cheesy, isn’t it?”

“Only for you, Yoon Jeonghan. Only for you.”

Jeonghan kisses Jisoo like Jisoo is air and he’s been suffocating all his life. Jisoo kisses Jeonghan back the same. And when they finally gasp for air, they laugh into the air of Jeonghan’s apartment.

Eternity without Jeonghan would be life without air: painfully impossible.

Eternity without Jeonghan would be like not living at all.

“I love you,” Jisoo whispers into Jeonghan’s ear. “If it’s you, Yoon Jeonghan, I’d fall a second time. I’d fall as many times needed.”

Jeonghan giggles and it sounds like music to Jisoo’s ears. “I love you too, my little angel.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thats that!!!!! this chapter is meh but it will do.
> 
> the end, guys. thank you for sticking around and giving support!! it means a lot to me.
> 
> since i posted this as a series i might write more from this universe but i'm not sure when i'll be able to post them. soon, i hope :)


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